Teach your daughters well

Sweet Melissa · 08-01-2006, 02:32 PM

This has been an interesting, actually, very difficult week for my husband and I, and I'm hoping I can pass along some of the things I've learned.

One of you guys (Dullhook?) posted a thread a while back on being a Christian man in today's society. I will tell you, guys, it is just as tough to be a Christian woman.

For 20 odd years, I've been told that I can be anything I want to be, and that I had the smarts to do it. But not once do I recall anyone telling me that being a mother and wife was something worth striving for. And, if you ever want to watch someone, Christian or not, go into mental contortions, just say the word "submissive" five times fast.

We've been fed a line that in order to be fulfilled, we have to be "self-actualized," a term which basically means "self-centered." As a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, I need time alone, or things just don't go well for me. But, I've had a real shift in thinking this week about what being fulfilled truly means. I believe now, that when I chose to get married, I effectively chose to make my husband and children my priority.

Not a very PC or popular idea, and not one that even many in the church are communicating today. Oh, there are devotionals for "busy" (interepreted "unfocused") Christian moms, and books on the "Top Ten Ways to Respect Your Husband." And, when all that fails to help us, we are told to turn to Proverbs 31 which is somehow supposed to answer all our questions.

All I can say is, fathers, teach your daughters well. Teach them what men really need, and to turn to God when they can't figure it out. And tell them often and sincerely that being "just" a wife and mother is a high calling. Because nobody else is saying it.

WestsideGal · 08-01-2006, 02:41 PM

Great post Melissa! I couldn't agree more. Being a mom and wife IS a full-time job 24/7 but well worth it.

Cheers,

FireCat · 08-01-2006, 04:19 PM

Sweet Melissa...I couldnt agree with you more I taught a 3 mounth class approx 10 years ago on "Gods high calling for the women"..And it was very interesting on how the Lord used me with his word on letting women (married and single, or divorced) know what Gods role for her in the family and in the Church and how many of the Churches today follow the WORDLY PATTERN of what the women should be.
The pattern for the family is very easy, God has placed the family unit together by 3 simple RULES and that is Husbands LOVE your wives, as Christ loves the Church, Women SUBMIT to your husbands, and children OBEY your parents. and this family pattern will only be as strong as the weakest link.

I dont have enough room here to talk on this but Submissivness should be done by each family member to our lord and not just the womens role toward her husband and with that submissivness we each treat our Lord with honor and respect Then we as Husband needs to learn on what christ ment when he said "Love your wives as Christ Loved the Church" And as we see how the Lord watched over his Church, Our Lord show us that "Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. The Word says:
"For no man ever hates his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it." In other words, the one flesh union between man and wife means that in a sense they are now one body so that the care a husband has for his wife he has for himself. They are one. What he does to her he does to himself. Then he compares this to Christ's care for the church. the word says "the husband nourishes and cherishes his own flesh as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body." In other words, just as the husband is one flesh with his wife so the church is one body with Christ. When the husband cherishes and nourishes his wife, he cherishes and nourishes himself, and when Christ cherishes and nourishes the church, he cherishes and nourishes himself.

The world teaches MEN a Macho thing but God teaches us that this is a LOVE thing, And yes Women have been chosen for one of the most high callings and that is to give birth to Children so that they can be brought up in a Godly home to edify Christ. And when a Husband dosent hold up to his responcibility, it makes the womens Job so much more difficult. I am sorry I took of on this and rambled to much to much but in my opinion Many of the Churches today are lacking in the teaching of the Godly family unit...Lord Bless

PapaHog · 08-01-2006, 04:28 PM

I agree...

Women who are moms have the most important job in the world. There can be no higher calling or title than that of "MOM". I admire the man and woman in this day and age that seek first to keep mom at home with the kids and trust God to provide.

I have a good friend that is a stay at home mom as she and her husband believe that is the best for their children. No corners are cut yet corrections in spending habit and strict budgeting are necessary to make that work.

I pray for all moms, the ones that are stay at home moms and I pray also for the moms that have to work outside the home. It is very tough as they have a full time job and they also have to work outside the home to make ends meet.

Once a mom always a mom and being mom is full time 24/7.

God bless MOM!

Grantspastor · 08-01-2006, 10:03 PM

Bravo!

happybrew · 08-01-2006, 10:29 PM

As the father of a daughter, I take your words to heart.

Sweet Melissa · 08-02-2006, 05:47 AM

Thanks, fellows.

happybrew,
I know in another post, you said your daughter was interested in silence or science, or something like that :smile:... so was I. I was headed for a grad program in hydrology at Oregon State just before I met my husband. But, I felt God leading me to get married, instead. It's been an extremely difficult adjustment, at times, and I still struggle almost daily with putting my family's needs before my own desires.

I think fathers play a crucial role in their daughters' lives, which many men underestimate. For most little girls, Dad is the first man she will love, and that allows him a great deal of access to her heart long before boys and romance steal her away. Even when you get the "you're so dumb" eyeroll or the complete silent treatment, she probably heard every word you said. And that one little conversation you have at the breakfast table could touch generations of your family.

Alabama Redneck · 08-03-2006, 04:51 PM

Sweet Melissa, I am very happy to see your post as it reflects my feelings on the matter. A wife and mother is one of the most important jobs there ever could be supporting the husband who always needs more support than we will ever admit and raising, teaching,and molding children into, what the Bible says is the purpose for joining man and woman, Godly offspring.

in 'em · 08-04-2006, 10:00 AM

Amen! My wife and I are 23, been married 2 years and both want to have mommy at home when/if we are blessed with kids. This is a very comforting thread to see the unity many of us have on this topic. Too bad the rest of the world doesn't these days. This post makes me think of Dr. Laura...she got it down!

As for the "wives submit" part...firecat was right on...the word "submit" has been used and abused these days, but in the Bible, it was a beatiful thing. If we, as husbands, treated our wives like Christ treated the Church, they would be happy to "submit". It is the same with the word "slave"...in the Bible, this word can simply be replaced by our commonday term "employee". If masters/bosses treated their slaves/employees as Christ treated the Church, there would be no issues. The world tends to put negative connotations on things that were meant to be beatiful in God's sight...

I will strive to treat my wife as Christ would, but when I don't, she's got the right to put me in place!

:grin:

Bartman · 08-06-2006, 04:15 PM

Quote:

And tell them often and sincerely that being "just" a wife and mother is a high calling. Because nobody else is saying it.

IMHO,not just a high calling, but quite possibly "THE" highest calling. In my life, my mother was the most powerfull and important person. without the love from Mom, well, life would have been ALOT rougher journey.
here's to all the moms out there

Bart

Sweet Melissa · 08-07-2006, 10:16 AM

To dads, as well, Bartman.

"Any man can be a father, but it takes a special one to be a dad."

Hoosier Daddy · 08-07-2006, 10:48 AM

Regardless of how fulfilling your career is, I think it's hard to argue that raising kids is not THE most important job in the world. Not that you can't do both. I firmly believe that the stay-at-home parent is the most undervalued member of the work force in America. What is more important than making sure the future of our country has a good foundation for carrying on?
My wife chose to do it. She gave up, at least for now, a solid career as a teacher, which she went through years of education for (bachelors plus a masters). Now she is dedicating those skills to raising our daughter, and it is really paying off. We have a great kid, and a lot of what makes her great is related to my wife's influence all day, every day.
I still believe that women (and men) should be able to choose their life and how they want to handle careers and families, and I will encourage my daughter to choose her path and feel good about it. However, I also believe society should do a better job of valuing those who choose to stay home and raise the family versus working in the "real" world.
Oh, and my wife works twice as hard as I do, every day. Even when I try to help!(Actually, maybe more so when I try to help :smile: )

wishin · 08-07-2006, 10:50 AM

Hoosier Daddy. Great post!

wishin

Sweet Melissa · 08-07-2006, 11:43 AM

Quote:

I firmly believe that the stay-at-home parent is the most undervalued member of the work force in America.

HD-
I recently heard a report that the salary value of a full-time, stay at home parent was roughly $134,000. That may be adjusted for inflation just a tad :grin:. But when you consider all the hats we wear (counselor, teacher, nurse, executive chef, chauffeur, etc. ) it may not be that far off. :smile:

Too bad we're wasting our college educations, though.

Dullhook · 08-07-2006, 03:44 PM

Quote:

I recently heard a report that the salary value of a full-time, stay at home parent was roughly $134,000.

Melissa:

Is that all! There isn't a dollar figure that can begin to compensate the value of a loving, stay at home parent. God bless all of you that do it.

wishin · 08-07-2006, 03:56 PM

Quote:

I recently heard a report that the salary value of a full-time, stay at home parent was roughly $134,000.

Raising a person of God, a good citizen, and a fine human being - priceless!

Bartman · 08-07-2006, 04:51 PM

Quote:

I recently heard a report that the salary value of a full-time, stay at home parent was roughly $134,000.

Melissa:

Is that all! There isn't a dollar figure that can begin to compensate the value of a loving, stay at home parent. God bless all of you that do it.

I couldnt agree with Dullhook more, no $$$ can be put on the "investment" of a stay at home parent. it is a shame that with the way things are that alot of us have to be 2 job familys. my wife and I are lucky in that we are able to work around our kids schedule. we are also blessed with loving parents close by who are invaluable in the raising of their grandchildren.
I once heard, and agree with it whole heartedly, " the MOST important thing that we do in our lives, will take place witin the walls of our own home"
Bart

Sweet Melissa · 08-07-2006, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Raising a person of God, a good citizen, and a fine human being - priceless!

No doubt, wishin.

To be able to watch our little one develop is truly a gift from God. I can't even describe how I feel when he sings along in his own way with the worship music at home or in church. I'm not prone to teary-eyedness, but that does it to me.

SharkbaitHoHaHa · 08-08-2006, 12:32 PM

I want to be a stay at home Mother but because my Husband is not able to make enough money to have health insurance on all of us and enough money that we are able to live.

Before I was Married I got pregant. I lived at my Parents home put my son in Daycare and had a job. I had to do this because I had to take care of my son. I got the Job I have now because of the Lord showing me to this place. God gave me a gift of a caring heart and in the job I have gives me the chance to use that gift everyday.

I am not putting Mothers who stay at home and take care of there Family.

I just feel that others Families have to have both Parents work just to make it.

When I was little my Mom stayed at home with me. My sister was born 8 years later. When my Sister reached 3rd grade my Mom went back to working. I was old enough that during the summer and schools day off. I took care of My sis. My Mom for a while only worked from 8am tell 2pm so she could be home when my sis got home from school.

Things just do not work out they way we wnat them. It's the way God planned it.

My husband work graveyard, and I work days and We are always here for Daniel. For a while we had Daniel in a Daycare but when he switched to nights we did not have to have someone take care of him.

If God gave us the ablity for me not to work I would take it or to only work while my son was at school. I feel drawn to be at home with my son but at this time God does not have it in our life right now.

Joe Schwab · 08-08-2006, 07:11 PM

Sharkbait, Never apologize for doing what it tales to properly raise a family. I admire stay at home Moms as much as I admire any hardworking Mom who juggles her job and still raises good productive children.

I get a little miffed at a well known radio personality who thinks jobs have to be adjusted for the kids benefit. She has often criticized military families because the father or perhaps the mother has to be away for a time. She often makes the statement that one or the other parent should just quit their job if it takes anything away from the family.

The world is a changing place and all the budgeting in the world cannot keep up with rent, house payments utilities, food and health care. You do the best you can, show your kids plenty of love and good example and pray a lot.

My wife worked when necessary to have enough. We put three kids through college, all three have excellent careers and they are all first class citizens. I could not have done it without my wife working.

Certain things are beyond your control. But do our kids remember us on Mothers Day and Fathers Day? You better believe they do! And more often they just remember us with a note saying , Thanks!