Adobe Wall's July 4th, Carolina Style

[adobe wall]

One of the challenges with the July 4th Holiday in NC was obtaining fireworks. For years, any and all fireworks were illegal in NC(1). A common rite of summer was to pool together some funds and make a "run for the border"(2). Generally a couple of neighbors would send the menfolk south to gather up the fireworks for the holiday barbecues.

Some folks got a bit carried away with it, though. The only person I ever knew to have been ticketed for fireworks possession was one guy in China Grove who literally filled his van with fireworks then brought them back into NC. Even that would have been tolerated except for the fact that a series of "things going wrong" occured in just the perfect fashion to cause the entire van to catch fire, exploding in a spectacular fireworks display(3). That episode made both the evening news and the front page of the local paper.

Well, my buddy Keith and I had made the run to S.C. and purchased a fair quantity of fireworks. For anyone wondering, the sheer number of year round fireworks stands in South Carolina is just staggering. Between the fireworks stands, peach stands, and Stuckey's on the side of Interstate 85 there is little room for anything else(4).

I don't think I've described my buddy Keith's place here- he's got his house out in the middle of a pasture on his family farm. For some reason, he decided to situate his swimming pool a couple hundred yards away from the house next to the barn. It's an above ground pool with a patio built around it. Generally folks would just drive out to the pool and park there.

Keith always has a cookout on the 4th and we usually would launch a few fireworks and partake of some cold adult beverages(5). In that part of NC a swimming pool was a pretty coveted thing to have, so Keith's place was always hoppin' on July 4th. The only drawback was the two ponds near the pool, which meant that you'd be slapping mosquitos as soon as the heat of the day passed.

The usual summer weather pattern was in full swing- we'd been chased out of the pool once already by a brief but intense thunderstorm. It was nice to have things wetted down good, though, to prevent a chance of fire(6)

We'd waited until dark-thirty and then commenced to launching the fireworks. That actually went quite well- a good show that allowed the menfolk the opportunity to play with fire a bit while still under the watchful supervision of the womenfolk. Even the average bikini clad, bleached blond, 22 year old southern gal has more common sense than most of the men in that part of the country, myself included.

We'd run out of most of the fireworks- the last were bottle rockets which we launched off the pation into the pond for the thrill of seeing them explode underwater. After we'd run out, one of the partygoers (7) allowed that he'd brought over a few German military surplus flares that may be entertaining.

The flares were brought out, but since no one could read German the instructions painted on the side might as well have been written in, er, German. They were about the size of a paper towel roll- quite large. I'd decided that since I'd seen a few World War II movies, I was qualified to launch the first flare.

The flares had a removable cap secured by some sort of cloth tape. When the cap was removed it revealed a sliding button on the side of the canister. I'd ciphered that the button was the safety lever.

We selected a safe direction to launch the flare(8) and I pushed the lever forward and smacked the bottom of the flare with the palm of my right hand as I'd seen in the movies. Nothing happened. I tried it again, three more times in fact, to no good effect.

I had decided the flare was a dud and stepped back up onto the patio that surrounded the pool. Keith and I were studying the writing on the side of the flare(9) when I slid the button forward on the tube and held it there for a good 7 or 8 seconds while I was ciphering on the tube(10).

I actually had the flare oriented in a nearly perfect horizontal position to allow for inspection of the tube when the thing launched, literally right from under our noses(11). This caused all manor of havoc to break loose as the blazing white magnesium flare shot across the pasture, skipped once off the surface of the pond, then bounced in an arc up over the pasture. Of all the places for the flare to land, it was right in the middle of a large round bale placed in a feeder in the middle of the pasture.

The flare burned hot, bright, and long enough to set the hay bale completely on fire. There was no time or even a thought of forming up a bucket brigade to douse the flames.

"Heck," said Keith, "I reckon we got a bonfire now!" He wasn't nearly as angry about the damage as most folks would or should have been.

Sure enough, we actually did try to gather around the haybale a bit but the fire produced more smoke than any of us could tolerate (12). We'd all gotten a bit of a scare and followed that up with the relief that nothing major had happened. A few jokes along with a promise to help scrape off and repaint the feeder seemed to keep Keith from being too bent out of shape.

We thought we'd skipped past a potential disaster(13) when suddenly Buster Hunsacker's pager went off. Buster went out to his truck and got on the radio- seems someone had called out the volunteer fire department(14). Buster got on the radio as quickly as he could, explaining that he was present at the scene and both firetrucks and the brush buggy could be turned around, it was just a bonfire.

The party settled down after that as folks started to filter on home. I ended up sleeping on the pool patio to keep an eye on the burning/smoldering hay bale to ensure nothing really bad did happen. I did in fact make good on the promise to help scrape and repaint the feeder as well.

Hope y'all have a happy 4th- I'm still on fireworks probation even though I've left the Eastern Time Zone!


(1) this changed a few years ago to allow sparklers and fireworks that don't leave the ground or explode. For all practical purposes, the good stuff is still illegal.
(2) South Carolina has few, if any, fireworks restrictions, prompting the entire interstate system in that state to be lined with fireworks stands.
(3) the exact means of ignition was: dude left van windows open so that the fireworks wouldn't overheat; dude's kids were launching bottle rockets in the backyard; "bottle" fell over as rockets were being lit, causing the handful of bottle rockets to launch horizontally and in an unintended direction; one bottle rocket- you guessed it- went into the open window of the van.
(4) North Carolinians like to kid our brethren to the south as defining an "innovative entrepreneur" as a Sandlapper who paints his fireworks stand colors other than red and orange.
(5) For years, obtaining "adult beverages" in Stanly county would entail a separate trip north to the town of Norwood, the only "wet" town in the dry county.
(6) NC doesn't have the spectacularly dangerous fire season as is present out here. I reckon the grass is a bit more hardy, and there are almost daily thunderstorms that keep things a bit more damp.
(7) it may well have been me but I ain't admittin' nothin'.
(8) up.
(9) as if I could have understood it any more than when we started....it was in German for Pete's sake.
(10) the lever turned out to be the ignition button....
(11) part of Keith's mustache was actually singed!
(12) the smoke did knock back the mosquitos, though.
(13) could you imagine if the flare had gone into the barn?
(14) of which Buster was assistant chief