View Full Version : You know you're a Redneck When....
Thick-N-Thin
05-08-2002, 09:24 PM
http://www.ifish.net/uploads/202022127.jpg
Also used for eating/cleaning if you catch anything. Note: Hat is optional! :cool:
Oh yeah....don't forget to put it back before the wife finds it missing!
[ 05-08-2002, 10:26 PM: Message edited by: Thick-N-Thin ]
MADWIZERD
05-08-2002, 09:38 PM
Is that the first flat bottom northriver jet sled???? :grin: :grin:
Mad Mikey
05-08-2002, 10:15 PM
Hey!!! That's my table.....
You know you are a redneck when..........You look for dates at your family reunion.....
Nice t-boat. Might be the easiest way to wash the table when ya don't have running water, redneck.......
>You know you're a redneck when:
> > >> > 1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your
> > >> > spouse.
> > >> >
> > >> > 2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner
> table
> > >> > in front of her kids.
> > >> >
> > >> > 3.---You're been married three times and still have the same
> >in-laws.
> > >> >
> > >> > 4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a
> > >> > different night.
> > >> >
> > >> > 5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."
> > >> >
> > >> > 6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so
clean.
> > >> >
> > >> > 7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey,
> watch
> > >> > this."
> > >> >
> > >> > 8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
> > >> >
> > >> > 9.---Your junior prom had a daycare.
> > >> >
> > >> > 10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
> > >> >
> > >> > 11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
> > >> > "Gentlemen, start your engines."
> > >> >
> > >> > 12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded
right
> > >> > off its wheels.
> > >> >
> > >> > 13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down,
depending
> >on
> > >> > how much gas is in it.
> > >> >
> > >> > 14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
> > >> >
> > >> > 15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table.
> > >> >
> > >> > 16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a
freebie
> > >> > at the House of Tattoos.
> > >> >
> > >> > 17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a
> law
> > >> > against it.
> > >> >
> > >> > 18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
> > >> >
> > >> > 19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
> > >> >
> > >> > 20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
> > >> >
> > >>
> > >>
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
Dr Strangelove
05-08-2002, 11:17 PM
And you certainly know your a redneck when...
Your family tree has no branches...
You've climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend you sisters honor...
You're related to Tanya (I saw her driving in Camas today...)
You mow your lawn and find three cars...
You got circumsized when you dad kicked your sister in the chin...
Enough...Take these and don't call me.
bajaspecial
05-09-2002, 12:49 AM
Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "go ahead."
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi?
Documentaries.
How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?
Two. One to eat it, and one to watch out for traffic.
Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas burned down?
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
A new law recently passed in North Carolina: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack.
When they meet, one says,"Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"
"Jus' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"
"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."
"OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"
What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
A Mississippian came home and found his house on fire, he rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry overhere. My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Don't you still have those big red trucks?"
Why do folks in Virginia go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
'Cuz 17 and under are not admitted.
What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in the same room?
A full set of teeth
David Johnson
05-09-2002, 03:19 AM
A good pick up line at is "Hey Babe, nice tooth"
Phil Layer
05-09-2002, 05:25 AM
Your favorite place to pick up women is a family reunion.
Stz ll
05-09-2002, 07:40 AM
If you see a sign that says JUST SAY NO TO CRACK and it reminds you to pull your jeans up
You might be a redneck.
You know yer a Redneck if you have ever been too drunk to fish.
Nanook
05-09-2002, 01:41 PM
http://forced.attrition.org/gallery/other/redneck_wind_chimes.jpg
4Salt
05-09-2002, 02:19 PM
Here's a few more:
There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.
You think every bottle of wine comes with a screw cap.
You wear your softball uniform even on the days you're not playing.
Your pickup truck used to be a car.
Your favorite fishing lure is TNT.
Your dates regularly expect you to light their cigars.
You stockpile pork and beans.
Your daddy handed out cigarettes the day you were born.
You spit on your own floor.
You use baling wire to keep your car door closed.
Your mom is lighting bottle rockets with her cigarette while walking the children on Halloween.
You've ever lost your wife in a game of poker.
Your house feels a bit lonely when winter comes and the last fly dies.
You send your kid in for treatment because you think he's hooked on phonics.
Mrdorkfish
05-09-2002, 03:12 PM
graemlins/stupid.gif "Here's yer sign" :grin:
A gas station in "redneck country" was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign
saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The
owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get
his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8)and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The
number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy, pulled in again for a fill-up, and
again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to
guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was
(3). You were close but no free sex this time".
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is "rigged", and he
doesn't give away free sex". The buddy replied, "No,it's not rigged -- my wife won twice last
week".
finclipped
05-09-2002, 06:27 PM
A redneck wedding Proposal:
"Your what?"
Jennie@ifish
05-09-2002, 06:41 PM
Joke threads make my delete finger twitch.
So far no prob, but.... please watch what you post.
Thanks,
J
Tanner
05-09-2002, 11:10 PM
A young couple from Alabama was on their honeymoon. Getting ready to go to bed, the young bride said "Darlin, now that we are married I need to tell you the truth, I'm a virgin" The groom, very upset, ran out of the motel room and went back to his papa's house. "Daddy", he said, "a terrible thing just happened" Daddy replied, "Whats that son?" The groom said " My new wife just told me she is a virgin". Very angry Daddy replied "Well you need to get one of them deevorces, If she aint good enough for her own kin then she sure as heck aint good enough for mine". :grin:
Lured In
05-10-2002, 10:06 AM
If your mama doesn't bother to take the Marlboro out of her mouth to tell the State Patrolman to kiss her ***. (self edit)
If your family tree has no branches.
If you house is mobile and the five cars in front aren't.
fishchaser
05-10-2002, 07:04 PM
You know your a redneck if: you go to a party and someone yells "HOE DOWN" and your date hits the floor.
Vinny
05-10-2002, 09:21 PM
You just might be a redneck if you mama has ever said, "Hey! Ya'all come here and look at this one before I flush it!!" :shocked: