Donald E Becker Sr, April 11 1922 - May 11, 2008. We will miss hin so . . . .

[Don Becker]

I'd just like to ask for a few good thoughts and prayers for Dad. 'Likely, you recall we just lost our youngest brother, Chris (http://www.ifish.net/board/showthread.php?t=145597), after a nearly year-long lung cancer battle. Well, Dad has been suffering with congestive heart failure for nearly two years. He will turn 86 this Friday and that will probably be his last. He and our step-mother had moved into an assisted-care facility - - I've lost track - - 'think it was about June/July of '06. For about the past year, he's been in-and-out of the hospital, assisted care facility and the skilled facility. He's in the skilled facility now and may not return to the assisted living apartment, next door. Like we all do, he has his good days and his not-so-good days. Systems begin to shut down, pains increase, he looses strength and ends up back in the hospital. On his better days, he can be very alert and jovial - - - that's our Dad! 'Not sure who that other guy is . . . nah, I know :(.

Of course, we enjoy each opportunity to visit when we can. My wife is taking him to a doctor's appointment right now. We've recently re-connected with his siblings and our cousins in California since the recent passing of Dad's eldest sister, Helen. And, as a result of this re-connecting, his other sister, Millie, and her two daughters, Melanie and Merilee, will be visiting for a couple of days next week. And, his brother, Al, and one of my cousins, Bonnie, have come up with a bunch of absolutely great old black and white pictures of Dad and his family and, especially, him and Al in their logging days. This was initially set in motion through my request of Uncle Al and Cousin Jan, after Helen's funeral. Those should arrive soon and I can hardly wait to go through them with him and hear the stories. Yesterday, I took him a whole bunch of much more recent pictures, also supplied by Bonnie and the "CA part of the family" and, of course, we really enjoyed that reminiscing as well.

Anyway, please just give Dad a thought and a prayer that his further suffering will be minimal and that, when his time does come, it will be peaceful for him. :pray:

Here's Dad and Chris at a 2004 antique equipment swap meet up in Washington:

http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/medium/P1010145.JPG


Thanks.

Don

[soulrider]

prayers and thoughts go out to you and yours

[rimrock]

I will pray for your family. :pray:

Does your dad know Jesus?

[Gillfish3]

Don, My thoughts and prays go to you and your family. You guys have been down a tough road the past few months . GOB Bless you all.

George

[Grantspastor]

Done

[CATCH AND EAT]

Don, I feel for ya bro. Gotta be a tough time knowing that his passing will be sooner than later. Our prayers are with you and your family in this crisis time.

Thanks for letting us be there in prayer for you.

[CGRFish]

Don,

I'll be praying for you. As you know, I've been dealing with Dad issues too, and I can relate all too well. There's just something about that father / son thing:throb:... Hang in there and I'll be praying.:pray:

Mark

[Don Becker]

I will pray for your family. :pray: Does your dad know Jesus?
Yes, thanks for asking. He is being visited fairly frequently by a minister he likes and has been helped quite a bit with his own mortality and with coping with Chris' passing.


Thanks to everyone. You are correct, this is tough but, Dad has had a good and long life and I just don't want him to suffer too much. Chris, passing on at 53 is, and probably always will be very hard for me.

And, my :pray::pray: for all of you on here that are also suffering-through these life-issues.

Don

[DAB]

Don,
I am praying
Don - DAB

[PapaHog]

Don, Here I am again. All too soon. I will pray for you and your father. Peace be with you both. God bless you.:pray:

[STRUTTIN-1]

Prayers for you and all of yours.:pray:

[TheCamel]

Don:
You have my prayers for your Dad and his family. My father went home to be with Jesus in December 2006 at the age of 92. He was ready to go home, and it was not unexpected, but that does not soften our loss/feelings.

[X'deyes]

Thoughts and prayers for your dad and you!

[brshooter]

Don,
Prayers for Dad and the entire family.

[hookumhi]

Prayers sent , God Bless you and your whole family!

[feisty's wife]

Done:)

[letsfish]

Praying for you and your family esp. your dad.

[fishnhuntnfool]

Prayer's sent for you, your dad, and your family.:pray:

[Poindexter]

Prayers for you and your Dad . . .

[Don Becker]

Thank you SO much, everyone! I really appreciate this.

And, :bday: to my Dad, today. Don

[Don Becker]

Dad had a nice birthday, yesterday. Cake, ice cream, lots of cards and :bday: from friends and staff (my wife, Vicki, called twice to ask that they wish him a :bday:). Calls from his brother Al and niece Bonnie. And visits from his wife, Berni, our daughter, Tammy Jo, Vicki and me. Those old B&W pictures of their Oregon logging and WWII days, from Al and Bonnie, arrived just in time and I took them - - Dad really enjoyed those - - many, he didn't know even existed but, he remembered them all and everyone in them. I'll post a few here just for fun:


http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/medium/AA_.jpg



http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/medium/B_.jpg

Don / Al
http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/D_.jpg

http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/medium/E_.jpg

http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/GG_.jpg

http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/medium/Z_.jpg

http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/medium/U_.jpg



http://www.ifish.net/gallery/data/500/L_.jpg

[PapaHog]

Thanks Don for the pictures. I remember some of that equipment as my older brother was a logger in Montana.

I am happy your Dad had a good birthday. I continue to pray for him and you. :pray:

[rimrock]

Really great pics...thanks for sharing them. I'm glad your family had a great time celebrating Dad's birthday.

Praise God for your Dad's live with Jesus.

[JustSteve]

When my father died I personally found comfort in the thoughts that this poem conveys...perhaps you can as well.


I am standing on the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails
to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sand come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull
and
spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear
her
load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when
someone at my side says: There, she is gone!" there are other eyes
watching
her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she
comes!"

And that is dying.

--- Helen Van Dyke

[Don Becker]

Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers.

We've had a couple of fantastic days. Dad's youngest sister, Millie, and her daughters, Melanie and Merilee flew into Portland from Stockton, Bend and Spokane, respectively. The years and distances have taken a toll on togetherness within the Becker family. We had such a great time catching-up, touring old places and, of course, spending just as much time with Dad as he could tolerate. Millie had wanted so much to get us all together for a meal someplace. We held-out to the last but, Dad made it known he just didn't have the strength to leave his room.

These are really special ladies! Millie was always Dad's favorite sibling. I could not have anticipated just how much these visits would mean to him. Dad had even expressed some apprehension at their coming - - - think about when you're ill and feel like c#@p; yea, you really want people around - - - 'don't think so! Well, these visits (though tiring over time) just put such a glow and smile on his face and in his heart, there was no hiding it. I haven't seen him so very happy in a long time. We had lots of family pictures to share and things to reminisce about. It just could not have been better.

Thank you so very much Millie, Melanie and Merilee :throb::throb::throb:. Don Jr.

[CombinationLicense]

Don, I've been away from the chapel for a while and just found your thread. I am so sorry to hear about your dad's condition and offer my deepest sympathies. It's been a tough time for your family and being the "Big Brother", I'm sure that you've carried the lion's share of the load. Be strong for them, but remember to take care of yourself too - and that might mean leaning on some of your friends when things get overwhelming (Hint).

Rick

[Don Becker]

As always, thanks, Rick. 'See you Monday evening. Don

[dbuechler]

As always, thanks, Rick. 'See you Monday evening. Don

This is one of these threads I have not been at and now I will make it here more aften. After seeing the PIC of your Dad it reminded me of my Dad back in Minnesota. They look alike. My heart and prays go out to you and the family, and will always be in my prays and thoughts every day. My dad had cancer and just got out this week after having another skin graft on his nose so he can breathe better. He 's 83 and will never be able to go out on my boat ever again. But he has faith in the LORD and thank you for sharing this with us. Our hope and prays are always with you. May the HOPES and many PRAYS be with him for ever and ever. God bless you and keep you

[Don Becker]

Thank you, dbuechler. 'Very best wishes and prayers for your Dad, you and the rest of his family. Don

[Jennie@ifish]

I have been praying for you and yours, Don. Man, life can be tough.
What you are going through is so similar to when my husband decided to leave, and then my Grandma died, then my Mother... I lost all my chickens and my favorite cat, too. I don't mean to belittle what you are going through adding my animals in there, but it was tough! I lost 40 pounds! The stress diet. :( I found out that Prozac doesn't work for me, during that time.

Anyhow, my prayers are with you, throughout my day.
Your Dad looks like such a wonderful person. Have I met him? He looks so familiar to me.

Jen

[Don Becker]

Thank you so much, Jennie. Adding the animals in there belittles nothing! All these things go together to illustrate what we go through during these times and even the seemingly little things all add to the stress and anxiety. All of this takes a lot out of us but, we see it through just the same. I've kind-of come to understand what I've been dealing with is a bit ordinary in comparison with what others are going through on some of the threads here - - especially our ifish members with children suffering with awful conditions and such. Jennie, you and your own personal struggles and the way you approach life, in spite of them, are such an example and inspiration to us all, truly.

Regarding whether you might have met my Dad; I'll give a bit of his background. His name is the same as mine; I'm Don Jr. I doubt it, but it is possible. In the late 40's through the late 60's the family had a floral and garden center in Hillsboro - - Don-O'Dell Floral & Garden Center (named for my Dad and my Grandfather O'Dell Brandaw - my Mom's Dad/his father-in-law). In the 70's and 80's he was with Hillsboro Farm Equipment and Sherwood Equipment in Sherwood and Wilsonville. Somewhere in there, he was also a Realtor and a Real Estate Broker in Portland, Waldport and Sherwood. Up into the early 70's, as I recall, he sang at many, many a wedding and funeral in Washington and Multnomah counties, primarily. And, he also spent several years with the Forest Grove Glee-men. He was quite a soloist - - 'loved to hear him sing - - he sang at our wedding (his voice cracked on the Lord's Prayer - - but, I doubt very many folks noticed, he was so good). And, no, not a one of his four sons could ever carry a tune. Then, for several years, he was active with the Wilsonville Senior Center where he sang frequently. In fact, in February, we all attended the first annual "Becker Awards" ceremony at the Community Center, there. The awards, in short, honor Dad and my step mother, Berni, for their years of service and as the last remaining original members of the Senior Center. My guess would be that, if you ever did meet him, it might have been through some musical event or ???? Don

[Don Becker]

By way of an update, I'm just going to post some excerpts from an e-mail I just sent to the family, a few moments ago (Bonnie, Melanie and Marilee are cousins, Vicki is my wife and a very experienced RN - a vast amount of which is geriatric nursing):

"Bonnie, the last set of pictures arrived yesterday along with a box of 6oz bags of horehound candy drops I had ordered on-line for Dad. Vicki was on her way to see Dad when I got home and found them. I called her but she was too far along. She's over there this evening and has the pictures and candy with her.

However, that's pretty-much the end of the good news.

Dad really isn't doing very well. We got a phone hooked-up for him yesterday and you can try to call if you like. Now, I would suggest mid morning to mid afternoon. But, it's likely he won't pick-up. Dad is now under hospice care and they have him on some morphine. When he's awake, he's fidgety, has great difficulty breathing and is agitated and, the rest of the time it's nearly impossible to wake him. Last night, Vicki said he was sleeping very comfortably and breathing very well. He is not eating and is taking-in very little fluids. He has a lot of retained fluids and so, if his kidneys function, he will utilize some of those fluids for awhile. They finally have him on a catheter. Vicki just goes over there and holds his hand, talks with him when she can, assesses his condition and speaks with his nurse. She's very good at figuring-out what to expect and we're thinking a couple of weeks at the outside. He was also visited again by a pastor yesterday.

For those of us here, even if he can't visit much - - we need to. If he isn't alert, hold his hand and talk with him. Vicki says at times he will squeeze your hand or open his eyes just enough to let you know he is aware you are there.

I've been staying away for several days because I've had a raging sore throat. That's better now and so, I plan to see him tomorrow.

A friend and I went, yesterday afternoon, to the funeral of a friend we both went all through school (2nd grade through high school) with. The funeral was at Willamette National Cemetery and was with military honors. He had had heart trouble in the past but was doing well and, very unexpectedly, he just had a stroke or heart attack and died at home. I'm getting pretty tired of this death and dying stuff! http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/tsmileys2/17.gif



[B]Well, just as I was about to hit "send" on this, Vicki called. She had left the nursing home for awhile and returned. She says if she says her name about three times and tells him she's there, he will move his head just a little and nod. The swelling is definitely going down. Which means he is using those fluids and it also means he will begin to become dehydrated soon. He's resting comfortably but Vicki now says we're down to days. She's going to stay for a little longer. I'm really doubting phone calls will work but, you could try.

Love, Don Jr."

[GraphiteZen]

I too am living through this situation with a parent. I have posted on other threads about my mother fighting cancer. It started 9 years ago when she gathered my sister and I together for some "very important news". We both thought that it was a bad update on an aunt who was fighting brain cancer (who has since passed) but when we sat down and she just grabbed us both by the hand and simply said "I have breast cancer"... your life changes immediately. There really is no way to describe it.. I remember my sister gasping "Mom!?!?!" and I looked at my father and he was just staring off blankly with watery and bloodshot eyes... I was 18. It's odd how you know you need to be with a person, but know two other people need to be alone and you feel you have to vacate the area to deal with the information, but you don't want to... I drove and drove all night. Since then it has been an up and down battle for her, and no matter the time I spend talking about it, writing about it or thinking about it, it's just flat impossible for me to understand let alone convey how strong my mother has been through tjhe whole ordeal, how positive she has been and how much strength she has found in herself to be cheery and smile no matter the pain she was in and no matter the devastation she must have been dealing with in her own mind knowing her life was coming to an end.
Tomorrow is mothers day, and for the first time throughout the whole gauntlet it was expressed to me today that this holiday will probably be her last.
The first thing I think of is all those conversations that you regret never having... all those things that are so hard to bring up in a discussion because by doing so in a way you express to that person that you feel their end is very close... and that is something you NEVER do to a person fighting a disease like this, it is something no person ever wants to accept. How in the world do you cross that line? I'm sure that she knows that I know shes knows all those little things but how do I really know without bringing them up... And what if they never take place... Every day I see her either wincing and gritting her teeth when the spasms of pain come, or falling asleep for 10 seconds at a time and then waking back up because of all the pain meds she is on, all while trying to have a conversation... How in the world do you talk about all those little things you appreciated?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tydSHv9ak8E

[DAB]

DOn
praying for you and your family.
Don Bench- DAB

[PapaHog]

Don I am praying for you, your family and your father. May God's blessings of peace and comfort be showered on all of you.

This is not easy, even when we know it is coming. I am praying.

[Grizzly II]

Don: You are so very fortunate to have celebrated your Dad's birthday with him. I missed my Dad's 92 birthday . It was his last before he died.
My prayers are with you.

[Don Becker]

I'm afraid we were wrong. Dad didn't have "days." He had "hours."

He passed on this morning, Mother's Day, at 10:30am. Vicki and I were with him. He never stopped fighting to survive - - not even at the end. Had God and his body not won out, he could have easily suffered-on for several more days. When it was time, the end came peacefully.

We didn't want him to go, we will miss him terribly but, we knew he had to go and it's so much better for him that his 2-years of suffering have ended and that he's in a better place. I mean that, deeply. The 8 1/2 hours I was with him this morning until he passed on, I tried - nearly begged - to get him to stop struggling and to go. Somehow, eventhough he had made peace with his God, he still wanted to stay here. There was nothing left here for him but more pain and suffering - - except, of course, for our love - - and, he took that with him.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and well wishes. :pray::pray:

Don

[brshooter]

I am so very sorry Don. Your family is in our prayers.

[TheCamel]

Don:
May our Lord provide you with comfort and peace, knowing that your father is with our heavenly father.

[DAB]

Don,

So sorry for you and your family, You will see him again in Heaven.
May the Lord comfort you now as you morn the loss of your beloved Father.
DAB

[CATCH AND EAT]

Don, once again I offer my condolences for the loss of your loved one, your father. Praise God he is no longer suffering and is now with his Creator. Our prayers are for your loss and your families time of grieving. May Christ offer comfort to you and yours during this time.

He is home free now. Free from pain and suffering and in the arms of our Lord.

[Keeper]

:pray:

I am so sorry. Our prayers are with you and your family.

[letsfish]

don,
Praying for you and your family.
Jim

[Grizzly II]

Don. My condolences. As you said, he is in a better place.
Rod

[CGRFish]

Don, Praying for you and your family. Isn't is wonderful to know your dad isnt suffering, and is such a wonderful place - rejoice! :pray::pray::pray:

[Grantspastor]

So sorry Don...

[PapaHog]

Very sorry Don. Prayers for you and the entire family as you deal with this great loss. :pray:

[Poindexter]

Sorry to hear about your father, Don. My prayers for you and your family . . .

[Ryan Pultz]

don sorry to hear this rp

[jokester]

Don,

So sorry to hear of your father's passing :(

Your family will be in my prayers :pray:

-jokester

[Don Becker]

Thanks again, everyone. We're working-through things here. We have a date and time for the memorial service and we have family coming in from near and far. Don

[Lou]

Peace be with him and his.:pray::pray::pray::pray:

[EvilD]

Don, I am sorry for your loss. Death is the hardest part of living. That is why god gives human beings the ability to remember. Cherish the memories and hang in there.

D

[CombinationLicense]

Don, I'm sorry for not seeing this sooner and would like you to know that I really feel for you and the family. I lost my father in '92 after a protracted illness and reading your accounts of the "last days" really struck home. I enjoyed looking at all the old photos and reading the short bio you posted about your dad's life and it made me think how similar the patriarchs of that generation were. There was no quit in them right to the very end.

You and I both know that the suffering had to end so they could move on to a better place, but it still doesn't make it any easier when the end finally comes. I am thankful that you got to be with him in the last hours and can tell you that it will mean a lot more to you as time goes on. There isn't a day that I don't think of my dad and hear his admonishments in the back of my head. The memories of the pain and suffering gradually fade and you're left remembering the things that really matter - good times, their values, their lessons and their love.

You are the patriarch now, as am I and hopefully we'll be remembered similarly when the time comes. My deepest sympathies Don, be strong and don't hesitate to lean on your friends.

Rick

[Don Becker]

Thank you, so much! Don

[FM2]

Don, we are truly sad for your loss. If there is anything we can do please ask, we live close to each other and are here for you.

Blessings,
Keith

[feisty's wife]

I am sorry, Don:pray::pray::pray:

[Don Becker]

Thank you all, again. We had a very nice and well-attended memorial service for Dad Wednesday. Our prayers and best wishes to all ifishers and their loved ones who are currently suffering. Don