FIshing for slow jokes... I mean Jokes for slow fishing. I mean...

[Jennie@ifish]

BOE told me another version of this, but this is still funny!

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K. I've GOT to see this!." The game warden was curious. The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH." "What fish?" the man asked.

[Jennie@ifish]

groaner:
A fish goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation. Patti looks at the fish in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The fish says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the fish says that his name is Rainbow Jagger, his dad is **** Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The fish says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain fly rod and reel, about an inch long; detailed and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a fish named Rainbow Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny rod & reel. "I mean, what the heck is this??" The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack. Give the fish a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

oh noooooo here is more!
A young zealous boy wanted desperately to work at a department store. He approached the store manager who responded they needed no help. Quite persistent, the boy returned again and again until the manager finally said "We're having a holiday sale tomorrow. Why don't you show up and you can give it a try." The elated boy returned the following day and proceeded to sell. At the end of the day the store manager called the youngster over and asked how he had done. The boy responded that he had sold $79,083.50 worth of merchandise. The manager asked how he had done so well. The young man said, "Well this guy was going fishing so I asked if he wanted some fish hooks, he said sure, That's $1.50. I asked if he had a nice fishing pole, he said no, so I got a graphite extension pole for $43.50. Do you have a nice reel, not yet replied the customer... so I got him a nice quick release reel for $35.00. I asked here he was going fishing and he said Strawberry Reservior. I told him the best places to catch fish are near the center, "Do you have a boat?" The man said he didn't so I set him up with a nice outboard 30 foot cruiser for $28,000.00. Then I asked if he had a trailer. He didn't, so I got him a double axle trailer for $3,000.00. Then I asked what he had to tow the boat. He only had a station wagon, so I told him that just wouldn't do, but we could get him a nice fully loaded Dodge Ram dually, racked and packed with a tow package, trailer hitch and everything for $48,000.00. He wanted it all." As you can imagine the store manager was astounded. "And to think it all began with that man asking for a package of fish hooks?" The boy replied, "Oh no, it all began with him asking for some tampons which were $3.50, so I replied, "Well you aren't going to be doing much else this weekend, you might as well go fishing!"

[ 12-08-2001: Message edited by: Jennie@ifish ]</p>

[Phil Layer]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anybody can roast beef.

[Jennie@ifish]

Remember, while posting jokes, that I would appreciate not having R rated jokes on this forum. They can be e mailed to those that would enjoy it.
The tone of this board (ideally, and I slip sometimes too...), should have material that is PG13 or less. Thanks... I'd appreciate it.
Here's one Fishhead5 sent me, that I got a kick out of:

DON'T ARGUE WITH CHILDREN

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said
it
was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even
though
it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human;it
was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

[Stz ll]

There were two blonde ladies sitting and fishing off the bank at Barton Park. While they were fishing a game warden came up to them and asked to see their fishing licenses. They said to the officer that they did not have any fishing licenses. The warden then told them that they could not fish without a license. The ladies then said but officer we are not fishing. They stated that the had magnets on the end of their line (not hooks) and were trying to collect metal garbage. The officer asked them to reel in their lines so he could examine them. When they reeled in their lines the officer noted that they did indeed have magnets attached to the end of their lines. The officer then said well ladies I don't know of any law that says you can't do what they were doing without a license. He told the ladies to have a nice day and walked away. After he was out of hearing distance the ladies just started laughing, and made the comment "what a dumb cop doesn't he know there are steelhead in this river)!

:shocked:

[Gone Fishin]

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes sir," replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."

[SlabQuest]

A game warden observed a couple ol boys smoking cigars and fishing with dynamite. He raced across the lake and started screaming at them about the gross violation. While he was in the middle of his diatribe, one of the ol boys reached into the bottom of the boat, picked up a stick of dynamite, touched the fuse to his cigar, and handed it to the warden. While the warden stared at the dynamite in disbelief. The ol boy asked him: "do you want to talk, or do you want to fish?"

[rhansme]

A little eskimo girl was out playing on the ice one day. Here father asked her what she was doing, as she had cut a big hole in the ice and surrounded it with peas. She explained, "Why father it is a Polar Bear trap!" Curious he asked how does it work? The little girl laughed and said, "Silly daddy, when the bear comes and trys to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!"

rhansme

[Point-of-Sale Clerk]

One fish swam up to the other fish in the river and asked

“Had any luck lately?”

“No” replied the first fish.

“I had one on but couldn’t get him out of the boat…”

[Nanook]

http://www.amazing-animations.com/gif2/2home3.gif

[otter]

While fishing off the North jetty at Barview I felt a small tap on the end of my line, thinking that it was another crab I took a few turns on the reel. Well the rod was almost ripped from my hands as line peeled off the reel, then everything stooped, and I could not gain any line for fear of breaking whatever it was off. Thinking that the fish had wrapped the line around something and was still hooked, I was wondering what to do. Just then 2 divers surfaced near me, I told them of my dilemma and asked if they would be willing to go have a look? They dove down and surfaced a minute later. I asked them what was going on, they said that the biggest Chinook that they had ever seen was on the end of my line but he had swam into a junk car that was on the bottom. Excited I asked if they could try and get the fish out? They said they did but when they got close he rolled up the window.


Sorry
:rolleyes:

[ 12-08-2001: Message edited by: otter ]</p>

[Nanook]

Hillbilly Computer Language :grin:


Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.

Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern.

Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick.

Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.

Cache - Needed when you go to da store.

Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name.

Terminal - Time to call da undertaker.

Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.

Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.

Diskette - A female Disco dancer.

Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.

Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.

Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.

Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.

Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food.

Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.

Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.

Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.

Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.

Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.

Rom - Where the pope lives.

Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.

Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.

Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.

Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.

[SlabQuest]

******, is that some of that "bathroom humor" I have heard about? :wink:

[jawbreaker]

The game warden pulls up along side a woman in a
row boat and asks her to see her fishing license.
the woman tells the warden, "I do not have a fishing licence because I'm not fishing, I'm reading a book." The warden noticed a fishing rod at the bottom of the boat and tells the woman,
"You have all the equipment for fishing so I will have to write you a ticket." The woman looks at the game warden and says, "Then I will have to charge you with ****." "But, I didn't even touch you!", says the warden. Calmly, the woman tells the warden, "Yes but you have all the equipment."
:grin:

[ 12-10-2001: Message edited by: jawbreaker ]</p>