And life goes on...

[SilverFly]

Well, I have got to share some good news before I burst! After losing my beloved wife of 20 years this winter to cancer, - I am feeling the first thing resembling "happiness" since I first watched my wife grow ill and suffer over the last 3 years.

I still cry for her almost daily, usually when I find a personal item of hers and a memory is triggered. And some nights it gets so bad I feel like I'm sleeping on the edge of a "black hole". So some of you may not understand the "news" I am about to share given how recently she passed away, - just know that I will never stop grieving for her completely.

A little over a month ago, the lonliness got so bad, I thought I could never be happy again, - and worried that I would never be lucky enough to meet a woman of her caliber twice in one life.

I was wrong.

I joined the online match-making service eHarmony because I have heard so many success stories about it (including my next door neighbor!). I was very up front about my situation and basically said that I really just needed a friend at this point in time. Initially I was amazed at the supportive comments I received from some wonderful, caring women (mostly Christians, - big suprise) some of whom had also lost a spouse.

Then a few weeks ago, out of the blue, one of the most beautiful women (besides my wife) I have ever seen contacts me. She is smart, funny, compassionate, happy, optimistic, honest, independant, outgoing, friendly, and has a very strong faith in God. We hit it off immediately and felt like old friends on our first "date". She even said she feels God is at work bringing us together (so do I). There are many strange "coincidences" happening with us that are very difficult to explain otherwise. Such as when she contacted me, she was also going thru the question and answer phase with several other men (I'm sure she had a LOT of men contacting her!). As soon as she and I completed the "Q&A" phase, and we could message each other directly, - ALL her other contacts immediately ceased communicating! (if you saw her you'd understand how strange that really is!)

Another "coincidence" was when she asked me if I wanted to go to a parenting class with her at her church. Some of you may remember that after my wife died, I had to send my daughter to a program for troubled teens because she was threatening to runaway with her sociopath boyfriend. Guess what, - the parenting class is being taught largely from the same book the treatment program is having me read as "homework"!

While we are taking things slowly, everything feels "right" and I am even taking her to meet my parents this weekend! We have a lot of other hurdles to cross though, because she also has 3 girls between the ages of 4 and 12 (she is also 8 years younger than me!). We are both confident though that we both have the integrity and resourcefulness to make this work, and we are going to give it our best shot.

Just wanted share something positive for a change!

Prayers for our success would be appreciated!

[eddie haskel]

Way too cool.........!!

I love a "happy ending" story. Thanks for the good news.

Prayers coming for you two new love birds! :bowdown:

[Ryan Pultz]

Very cool I met my wonderful wife thought an online Christian site. I am Happy the Lord is bringing some joy into your life and I will still pray for god continued healing from your loss of your wife rp

[WestsideGal]

I remember you posting about this in Westfly. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago but how time flies by so quickly.

I am so happy for you. I too will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers on this. Everything happens for a reason, especially if God has a hand in it. Which it sounds like he does on this one.

Blessings,
Kelly

[julezilla]

I'm so glad to hear you're smiling again. It's amazing the things that can happen when God has a hand in it.

Best wishes and prayers that everything will be beautiful in your life.

[juniper]

I am glad for you. I am going through the stage of the doctor saying you need to let her go. My favorite fishing partner even though I had to bait her hook and take the fish off. How can I let her goThe lonliness is already killing me.

[DAB]

:bearhug: :bearhug: :bearhug: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:
DAB

[FishinGrl22]

Praise God that he has given you something to look forward to. I will also keep praying that he will show you that happiness doesn't just come with that... but comes from deep within from God himself... and that a lot of times means God granting your deepest desires :) YEah for you!!

[SilverFly]

I am glad for you. I am going through the stage of the doctor saying you need to let her go. My favorite fishing partner even though I had to bait her hook and take the fish off. How can I let her goThe lonliness is already killing me.

I know how hard it is juniper. All I can say is one of the only times I've felt God's presence was when we found out her cancer was back and we knew her time was limited. I will tell you what I "sensed" and "felt", not so much as "heard". I felt a peace and calmness come over me like nothing I have felt before, - then God put 3 words into my mind - "I Am Here".

Knowing that gave me strength I didn't know I had, - even though I'm about to short out my keyboard with tears as I'm writing this. Know that she will be free and happy and not hurting. It helped me to picture Tammy arriving "home", - her spirit was so bright I saw the angels putting on sunglasses as she stepped through the gates. You need to let her fly.

I can't tell you it's not going to hurt because it will hurt more than anything you have ever experienced. BUT, it will get better with time and prayer and leaning on friends like you have here in the Angler's Chapel, - which is the closest thing to my "church" there is (although that will be changing soon). Please PM me if you need a sympathetic ear.

God bless, you have my prayers.

[SilverFly]

Also wanted to thank everyone for the kind words and prayers.

I know not everyone will be sharing your happiness for me, - but I guess some people believe in wallowing in misery instead of celebrating life. I fail to see how my moping around being depressed (for how long exactly?) will honor Tammy's memory. Especially when I have the opportunity to take the knowledge I learned about life and love with Tammy, being happy with someone else who is also alone in this world. If someone has an "official timetable" for grieving, - I'd like to see it. Even better, I'd like to see someone look me in the eye and tell me I didn't (and don't still) love my departed Tammy.

The one thing I learned in the three years since she got sick was that we don't "alway's have more time" like we think we do. This wonderful woman who has the light of God shining in her, just like Tammy did, - knows this through trials of her own. She and I want the same thing and that is to celebrate life to the fullest, and love our friends and family with everything we have. We both want "out of the ballpark" true love and I think we have found it. How that can be "bad", "disrespectful" or anything negative is beyond me.

God is about love, - the enemy is the one who deals in pain and sadness.

[eddie haskel]

In death, there is life.......

I think you gave a perfect example by what you just shared....thanks!

[rimrock]

Recently a friend of mine got remarried about a year after his wife of 43 years passed away (a much older friend that is :wink: ). He asked if finding someone so soon would be that classic “dishonoring” issue which we all realize comes up. I told him then just like I’m sharing with you. Saying – No, it’s rather honoring to her memory since you’re really saying it was so good the first time you want to do it again.

Blessings to you SilverFly. I'm very happy for you and I'm sure Tammy is too. Enjoying your new found happiness. Joy is a gift Jesus wants you to always keep.

[Chad S.]

Good to hear brother!

[Keeper]

I am glad to hear that happiness has once again found its way into your life. As with any new relationship...take it slow.

[jokester]

Great news, SF! :applause: :grin:

-jokester

[SilverFly]

Saying – No, it’s rather honoring to her memory since you’re really saying it was so good the first time you want to do it again.

EXACTLY!!!

You know, you're a pretty smart guy rimrock, - you must take after your Dad! :wink: (say hi to him for me!)

[SilverFly]

As with any new relationship...take it slow.

I'm trying, - but it ain't easy looking into those gorgeous blue eyes! :passout:

What I can't get over is that she's even more beautiful as a person, than she is in appearance!!!

:grin:

[PapaHog]

I am indeed happy for you. Thank you for sharing this with us.

I lost my wife one year ago tomorrow to a heart attack after a struggle with MS. I am sad and lonely, especially this weekend one year after her going to be with the Lord. She was 48 years old, way to young to die.

I have struggled with depression alone and without professional help. I have good friends that help me get through this last year. In fact they have drug me for a long weekend at the beach because of knowing this weekend would be particularly tough. I miss her so and figure I will spend the rest of my days alone.

Yesterday while doing tourist things at Newport bay front I watched couples hand in hand, arm in arm or side by side walking around enjoying the day and each others company. Made me miss her even more.

It is funny (or the hand of God) how here on ifish I read this thread from my room in Lincoln City on the very same weekend I find myself thinking these thoughts. Yet even now I think I will be alone from here on. Probably because of fear of the unknown.

So I thank you again for sharing your story with me and I will continue to think and pray on these matters in my own life.

I pray Gods blessings on you and your girl fiend. I pray for things to only get better for you guys every day forever.

[SilverFly]

Papahog,

I am sorry for your loss. Tammy was only 46, - also too young to die. But at 45 I am also too young to be alone the rest of my life as I am sure you are.

Trust me, it was only 3 weeks ago I was struggling with the same issues you are today. Seeing other couples being happy together was particularly difficult because it reminded me of the great times I had with Tammy who was also my best friend in addition to being my wife.

You have to ask yourself if she would want you to feel depressed and miserable or joyful and alive. I understand the fear of being alone, but I know that fear is a form of evil and a tool of the enemy who wants to bring us down. God wants to lift you up and it sounds like finding love again is something you want and need.

I have two words for you, - E-Harmony!!!!!

It is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It doesn't cost more than you might spend on a single date, and it instantly connects you with potentially thousands of women from all walks of life who are also alone. The key is to be absolutely honest when you fill out your profile (it takes quite a while BTW, - they are VERY thorough!). Then you can add you own personal preference filters to screen matches even more (i.e. Christian, non-smoking, age range, etc...).

I guarantee you will (at least) have some kind female "pen-pals" within a week! There IS hope!!!

God Bless, and my prayers go out to you.

I've got to go get ready for my lunch date!

BTW, I forgot to add that women outnumber men on eHarmony by something like 2 or 3 to 1!!! - Time to do some "fishing" ! ;)