Telling a kid she has to have surgery???

[TheRogue]

My 4-year old daughter is going to have open heart surgery to fix a leaky valve and a small hole next to it, sometime around the end of June (we don't have an exact date yet). This will take place at OHSU, which, as everyone knows, is one of the best in the world (thank goodness).

She is one of those kids that is bordering on brilliant, and is the same size as most of the 6-7 year olds she plays with. Unfortunately, like so many young girls, she's VERRRRRRRRYYYYYY emotional.

Any ideas on how we talk to her about the surgery? We always try to talk about how people go to the hospital to make them feel better, and that hospital are full of good people. But, she also has had her Grandpa and two other family friends go to the hospital and pass away there. So she's pretty gunshy about hospitals at this point in time.

And, of course, since we've been visiting the doctors pretty regularly since she was a baby, she's not terribly happy about being around anyone in a lab coat.

It's not a pressing problem, it really doesn't affect her at this point in time. But, we're told that someday, because of where the hole's at (next to the valve) that the valve will collapse, and it will become an emergency. So we opted to get it done now, before she starts Kindergarten in September.

Talk about high stress...I think that Jennie knows something about this.

kyle

[FM2]

Hi Rogue,

Since you have made a post here I assume you and your family are believers. In this context I would sit down with your daughter first as a family and pray to Jesus to put his tender loving arms around your daughter and to comfort her. He has a way of bringing peace to the hearts of people that ask. I would ask that each member pray for the Holy Spirit to provide the right words to say to your daughter. This will give her comfort knowing God and her family is supportive and loving which even at 4 yrs old she will know the genuineness of the ones closest to her.

I would then suggest finding time to pray with her on a one-to-one basis. Ask for the same things as the family did. Sometimes in traumatic situations the anxiety level is high and a child would be less inhibited and might open up more one-on-one. I do this with my daughters and I sense a real closeness to them when we are alone and their faces glow with joy. This really gives them the security knowing I am spending quality time with them alone and for us there is a real closeness with God.

Our family will pray for your situation.

God Bless

[TheRogue]

Thanx for the reply..

Yes, we're believers, but my family, as far back as I can remember, has always had the attitude of "God helps those who helps themselves first". So, we generally approach things from the face first, and slowly involve the spirituality. I'm not sure that's the right way to approach it this time.

Just found out from the wife that the surgery date will be June 6th...almost a month earlier than orginally thought. The stress factor just went through the window!!

kyle

[Screaminreelron]

Rogue; First, let me say, God helps those who CAN NOT help themselves! :smile:
I do not believe God causes illness but He certainly uses it. This seems like a great opportunity for you and your whole family to take your relationship with Christ to a new level. The Word had a lot to say about suffering and trials, that they do exsist for a reason and for a season. Don't miss out on what God has to say and show you-all throught this.
Your daughter needs to know God's unconditional love, strenght and wisdom. Where human ability ends, His power, His might just begins. Having been in medicine for over 25 yrs., may I suggest getting counsel from one of the Christian chaplins at the hospital. Their wisdom in working with children from a christian perspective will be rewarding.
May the Great Physician come upon your family with great power and comfort. Will be praying. God bless. Isa 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you;Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help youSurely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' :wink:

[PittsburghD]

My 3-year-old daughter asked the meat man at the supermarket a couple of weeks ago if she would see him at church on Sunday. He's not a member of our church at all; but her words touched him so much that he thought about it daily. When my wife saw him 3 days later he told her how my daughter brought up thoughts he had never been thinking of. With his divorce and other things going on he had been thinking of God but hadn't gotten around to it yet. But he thanked her for asking. This whole thing blew us out of the water! Our child at 3 was creating an effect on this much older man.

This faith and hope can be passed on so easily to your daughter as well to a point that she will seem to have more faith and power than you ever thought possible for you. Pray and talk about God daily and you will be amazed at what He will do in your lives.

I couldn't imagine trying to explain this to my daughter right now, but I can let you know that she will include you in her prayers tonight. We will all pray for your guidance, words and strength during this process.

In Him,

Dustin

[blacktail]

Kyle,

Not much I can add to the excellent advice from the others, but wanted to let you know that your daughter and your family will be in my prayers.

Mike

[Johnny Mac]

Hey Rouge, Just wanted to let you know that first off, I also have a daughter who is 4 years old. The challenge that is set before you now is one that really hit me like a ton of bricks. Seriously. I've been thinking about it for two days now since I read this. I can't imagine what I would do if I were in your shoes. Honestly, I'm not sure if I could bear it.

Well, listen, I know you dont know me from anybody, but I also know that our creator created us with the ability to share, cope, and live with each other in this world through the unwritten similarities that we all share. We can relate. With this in mind, I'd like say that again, I cant explain why but this really has touched my heart. If you feel like you need somebody to talk to, pray with, be at the hospital with ya when it happens, anything, feel free to give me a ring. I'm not a wierdo or anything. I know I would myself, be a little defensive of a forward offer like this. But no kidding here, if you think that you might feel better about the whole thing by sharing it with another person who feels that God is on our side, and can relate, give me a holler. I think thats what we are here for. I'd be more than happy to help any way I can, even if it meant taking a trip.

Whatever you decide is totally cool either way. Just know that as a minimum, your daughter and your family are being prayed for by myself and my wife. I wont be suprized if you contact me, I won't be suprized if you don't. Just letting you know that your particular story kinda grabbed me, and I'm gonna be a prayer warrior for you on this one.

emailforjohnny@yahoo.com

[TheRogue]

thanx everyone for your thoughts and prayers...they say that things like this are harder on the parents than the kid!! Today, we signed her up for kindergarten. Spoke with one of the teachers, she's seen her share of this kind of thing. "It's all about faith", and a wink, was her parting comment.

Just those little words hit it exactly.

I'll post again when the time comes....

kyle

[Johnny Mac]

How did this all turn out Rogue?

[Jim]

Kyle,
I await to hear how this turned out. As I read your post I remembered one of the most wonderful young women I have ever met. I was area director for an organization called Young Life, this gal was highly recommended as a potential student leader...she was exactly that! She was incredibly great at vistiting kids in the hospital...I asked her about this one day and she grabbed the neck of her t-shirt and pulled it down just a little bit to reveal a scar...she had had the same thing your daughter has but wasn't discovered until she was 12. It was because of her experience in the hospital that she was so incredibly gifted at visiting those that are there. I believe your daughter will be fine...I for one will be praying for what great things will come from this...God sees our future today takes care of itself! On your knees dad! I have learned there is no better place for me.

Jim