Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington March 2008

Peace be to the snoozing river cat!

March 1st!

Welcome to Stan's column! I wasn't even late! Whoo hooo! Thank God for an extra day in February! For more reason than one, too!
I had a coupon for something that ended the end of February. I thought surely, yesterday I was too late, but no! Leap day! Yay!
So, Stan's article is on those darter jigs for bass. I used those when I fished with him on the Umpqua! They are so neato! Great article, Stan and thanks for sharing with us! Stan is such a blessing to ifish! I'm so grateful to have him sharing all of his information!

Click to Zoom!

My girlfriend, Kim, caught this on a white worm in her private lake in California. Wow, Kim! She released it, and wrote in her note, (Mind you, this IS what girls talk about! LOL)
"I have been fishing in this pond for 8 years ............ I catch a lot of bass, but usually about 10" long and 11/2 - 2lbs - this sucker bent my rod over just before I pulled my bait up. I thought I had a snag and when I saw it I was yelling at Tom "GO GET THE CAMERA" I swear it was the grand pappy of the bass out there. (snip) This one was just too big for me to keep. I didn't have the heart, now someone else will catch it, and want to keep it- I am sure. So, I am creating a "limit" but not sure what that means yet, but I do get to make the rules right - private pond and all!"
Well, I'm so happy! My eye hurts just a tiny bit, as long as I don't overdo it. But, it's so hard NOT to, as I don't feel all that badly! I can't believe I had surgery two days ago! My eye already itches, which means it is already healing! Wow!
I have alot to catch up on, but I also have a river to visit! I hope this rain brought the water levels up a bit! Maybe... just maybe... there are fish in there?
Whooo hoooo!

March 2nd

Spring is here and my heart goes dancing!

Have you heard it?
Hummingbirds make this little sound. It's their chirp, but it's hardly what you'd think of, as a bird chirp. It's more like, oh, like a cricket rubbing his wings together.
And that I heard, today!
It's always a celebration when our migrating hummingbirds come back. The first one is always special.
It's a boy! It's a boy!
You'd think I'd just given birth!
The other day, before my surgery, in fact, Bill said he saw one swipe by the dining room window, while we sat, sipping coffee. I was thrilled, but I didn't see it. So, of course, it wasn't official!
Today I was out on the deck cleaning up some plants, surprised to see some of my freesia popping up, reaching for a sun that wasn't close enough, yet!
Although it seemed a rather harsh season, many of my plants made it through the winter. I clipped and trimmed, feeling the warm sunshine on my back.
It was then that I stood up, and heard it.
That cricket sound. It was unmistakable. It was a hummy! Now, that made me smile!
Seasonal changes are so exciting to me! And when it happens with such brilliant proof as a male hummingbird all dressed (his chest!) in orange, it is reason to smile for sure!
I think God dressed him like that just so that I could see it! Who could miss that? Brilliant, flame orange, just for me!
Later, as I sat typing away at my computer, he came to visit at the feeder! We put hummy juice out 2 weeks ago. We read on our annual bird calendar that our first sighting was around now, and really, we just knew it to be the time.
The feed is getting a little hazy, so it's time now, for fresh food! It's cooling on the deck, now!
The hummies come at the same time that the steelhead begin to dig their redds. The hummies come at the same time the first bright green start shoots out of the apple, pear, and cherry trees. The hummies come when the first freesia bolts through the hard ground. When you first get to slap at a fly, or scream on a warm day, when you see a huge bumble bee crawling on your arm! They show up just as our Mason bees begin a slow crawl, and clumsily escape from their mud tunnels. They live in little wood blocks where they hang on our walls. They live silently, all winter, there, and then like magic, like a seed that sprouts, they come to life!
Spring is an amazing time. It's full of wonder and full of black crawly things, almost like they are drunk. Flies and bees and things, waking from a long, winter's nap.
I was reading, last night by the light, when a moth flitted to the light, and played, there. I smiled. Yet another sign of Spring!
Ladies and Gents, start your fly rods, there is a hatch!
As I walked along the river this evening, everything was still and warm. Molly played in the dirt by my chair side. Rev chewed on a log, behind me trying to destroy it, most thoroughly. Kilchis dug in the sand, round and round and round. He dug circles until the soil was tilled to perfection. I should have a garden out there!
I rose, and began walking downstream. I stopped when I heard this ringing sound in the brambles. It was all too familiar, but at first, I didn't recognize it. It's one of those things that just fade into the background of normality, unless you stop to pick it out. It was the sound of hummingbirds, everywhere!
I can hear one now, in fact! It sounds almost as if it is physical medical condition. The ringing in my ears, and sometimes I shake my head trying to stop it. Then I realize what it really is! No doctors need here! It's hummies! It's spring time!
I stopped in the sand and searched the vast expanse of still, but flowing water. It is shallow this time of year, and I was trying to make out the shape of a steelhead.
They are so hard to see, but once you see one, like dancing fairies, they all come out to play! They look like waving moss, and every once and a while the water will ripple, or you'll see the silvery flash of the sides of a hen, digging. Oh, that's the most exciting thing to see! And once you see that, they all come into vision and you wonder how you never saw them all in the first place!
It has begun! The festival of life! Winter was a blast, and I can recall how excited I was for snow, but now?
Spring is in the air and everything can start new again, now!
Seasons just amaze me and I'll never tire of the magic that each one brings!

March 3rd

This video is good stuff!!
Please listen and watch and try to pick out helpful things for your life! It may not be some of 'yous' style, but I like it! I knew I would like it immediately as I like his attitude about death. It's not a bad thing. Add the fact that I'm going to Heaven! Heaven is an awesome place, and I'm not afraid at all to go there!
In listening to him speak, I saw so many parallels of my childhood, and my life, now.
Not that I'm an expert in what he says or thinks, but I just agree with so many of the things he says!
~ A year or so ago, my surgeon looked at my CT scan of my dissected aorta and saw that my aorta is still dissected from carotid to iliac. There is a new aneurysm forming. Anywhere along that line, the very fragile tissue could easily just pop open. When it does, I'll simply bleed out.
He said to me, "Jennie, if travel is what you want to do, you should do that, now.
You know, I haven't yet, and I need to! I really need to! But, somehow I don't believe that this is the end of my life, yet. I'm too busy living! I feel like I "travel" every day! Maybe not to a new land, but to new places in this school of life. New places in my heart!
Of course, all of us are going to die. We could all be hit by a car this very afternoon. (or now! Loo out!) But, knowing what you face, what you are probably going to die of is a little different. It's like knowing the type of car and the numbers on the license plate number of the car that's going to hit you.
I really enjoyed this speech! He's full of laughter and fun, still and I hope to always be like that, to the very end!
Things I learned from this video that hit home:

How to properly apologize! (And do it often!)
Say:
1. I'm sorry
2. It's my fault.
3. How do I make it right?

On people that you don't care for:
No one is pure evil.
Be patient with them and the good will come out.

I am so guilty of this on the ifish discussion board. I think many of us are. We stereotype. We see the written word and immediately form an opinion and sometimes it's not a good one. But, if you wait, and hold off on that opinion, you'll see the good in that person in his writing, soon enough! And, if you later meet that person, I'll almost guarantee you that you'll like them much better than in writing!!!

Always show gratitude. Always... for each experience!
There are good and bad experiences and we should be grateful for the lessons in both!

When the chips are down, don't complain! Keep playing the game and play hard!

And lastly:

If you live right, your dreams will come true!

March 7th

It's that teasing time of year. When the sun rises the past few days, the entire sky has turned this awesome shade of pink. That only happens on the cusp of Spring! It's so beautiful!
People are putting out lawn chairs and gardening equipment in their stores, and displaying halter tops and cute little dresses for Easter. All the catalogues I receive have swim suit clad and tanned women on the covers. In the background are beaches and sunshine and bright blue skies!
Yesterday, I stood in the garage, (shivering a bit!) looking longingly toward my chaise lounges. Is it time, yet? I tried to budge it off the shelf but it was too heavy. It was dust laden, too, meaning that the chore would be more than simply laying it out on the porch. I wondered how many times I'd have to fold them up and hide them from wind storms, if I chose to put them out, now.
What am I thinking? We've only had one or two days where it actually felt good; warm enough, having coffee on the back deck. Today, it is so cold out that I have my Uggs on my feet, and a warm bathrobe over my jammies.
It's just that everywhere I go, Spring is pulling me faster than the weather can keep up with!
I was out on the river, yesterday and the river level is so low that I thought about getting out the canoe for the summer. (Summer?) It would be perfect because the current isn't strong, and I'd bet you anything I'd be able to see steelhead as clear as day, down under the water! The visibility in the river is probably 10 feet! By the time that it is really time to get out the canoe, there isn't much to see, in the way of fish.
I want it now!
Bill would laugh at me and say, "I wouldn't even think of getting out the canoe, yet!"
Well, I would and I am thinking about it!
I'm the forever child in the family. I never cease to get excited about things like this.
When I get dressed in the morning, with hope for sun, I layer my sweaters with cool t shirts underneath. Rarely, so far, have I been able to remove the sweater, though!
There are bulbs freshly planted in my garden containers, and every day I go out to see if any of them have peeked their little green heads out of the soil. Not so far! Not yet!
I get excited though, and have been known to not be able to wait, and dig just a little bit, to see if there is growth or even a little sprout!
The Mason bees on the wall of the house-- those are fun to watch, too! So far about half of them have escaped!
I think... I think I saw a swallow, yesterday. Is it too early? I don't know, but I sure thought I saw one!
My hummies are busy on the feeders, and it seems like I get a new customer just about every other day. So far I have seen three or maybe four.
Well, one thing is for sure. You can't speed up the seasons, no matter how hard all the magazines and stores, try!
In this age of "Hurry up and give it to me!", where kids can experience everything 'RIGHT NOW!', the fact that they are helpless in speeding up time, makes me giggle.
No matter what technology develops, you'll forever and always just have to wait on the seasons...
You can't have Spring until Spring arrives!
For now, my chaise lounges are going to stay in the garage.
But... I just may go get that canoe out, anyhow! I just have to figure out how to do it without Bill knowing!

March 8th

First off, I'd like you to meet Robert. He's my Northern Flicker that comes to my feeder every morning. I just adore him, and I hesitate to say this, but I think, he adores me!

For bigger pictures, click to zoom on all!

What an absolutely beautiful bird he is! He isn't the least bit afraid of me and we sit together in the mornings. I have coffee, and he has... suet! Grease! Yuck! I'd much prefer my treat!
Sometimes I wonder if it isn't "Roberta". I have no clue. For some reason I think it's a Robert. If someone knows, let me know!
Speaking of Robert(a), he's here, right now!
Sigh. It's been a long, long week. I seriously wonder, sometimes, how long I can hold out. This is a tough job. Stressful, actually.
It's not so much work, really. It's just the worry. I'm on worry mode and on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a week, for years on end.
I told my business councilor that I don't know if Ifish is killing me, or keeping me alive!
The actual "work" is only a few hours a day and sometimes not even that! In between I have fun reading about fishing, viewing fish pictures, you know, writing about fishing and life and birds- all my favorite things! That's why I created ifish!
I also spend time e mailing my friends and family, and occasionally shopping or finding info on other things like gardening, birds, etc.
Actually, what an ideal job created for me where I can rest when I need, (thanks to the mods!) and work when I can!
But, being on call for what? 11 years now? With only time off for an occasional aortic dissection () or eye surgery. It has taken a toll on me. I find myself dreaming of getting in my car with my dog, and just driving, driving, driving. I would fly, but I don't think Kilchis would 'dig' the flying routine! It just sounds wondermous! Wouldn't it be? Jennie takes off! Runs away?
I could change this column title to "Where's Jennie fishing, now?" Alaska? Florida?
Hey! I could travel and still do ifish! It would be like "Where's Waldo" but online fishing in different countries, even!
I could buy a brand new car at Doherty Ford and have Brad, the official ifish artist design it up like an ifish.net car and then have contests about where the ifish truck is seen! I could travel around to salmon summits and do peace sit-ins like a hippy and work to save the salmon! Camp on the road, on the rivers and streams and sleep to the sound of the rushing waters lullaby!
Only thing... do NOT ask me to do speeches! I can sit-in with the best of them, but speeches are not my gig!
I tried that ONCE with David Duncan and I was scared to death!
I'd love to run away from all of my surgeries! Just take a couple months off, and pretend I'm just fine! Leave it all behind me! Throw away my meds!
It really does get to you, reading mostly the moderator board, where the bad things get posted. We do keep it light, and we joke around to sustain us.
But, I'd so much rather read the good things that remain on the board! How lucky the casual readers are, to have it cleansed before they get there! Well, not really. There are good members that find alot of the bad things and report them to us!
By the way, if you are indeed on the "team of good" on ifish, and if you like to keep things friendly on ifish, and without crass comments, etc., please find the following symbol on the discussion board and use it. You'll find it at the bottom left of each and every post. (Not thread, but individual posts by authors)
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the alert button: .
When you see things that shouldn't be on a publicly viewable board where children are perhaps reading on the lap of a parent, click on the alert button.
(Be Alert! The world needs more "lerts"!)
A text box will appear. Type in the text box why you are alerting the thread, and hit the submit button. This will then go to all of the moderators, for their investigation. It's really neat because it links the exact post, so we can go right there and fix it, asap!
No one will know that you used it but the moderators, so don't fear being a tattle tale. You are just doing a good deed! It sure helps to have members that use that button! They are the ones who help us so much, as we cannot read every post, by far!
My sincere wish for ifish is that I sell it to someone like minded, keep it with the same high standards, and let me still do what I love, at ifish.
I want to be the ifish poster child! I would love to continue to write this column. I would love to be a part of the moderator board, but only as a team member. I would love to go to shows, and report back. I would love to run a couple contests. I want to have time to play the piano again! I would adore being able to pay for my own health insurance and not be dependent on disability.
I need a serious break from the ifish billing, the marketing, the advertising, the problems of the tremendous amount of e mail, the problem of too many people wanting to advertise and not having the room or the energy to keep up. I need to have time where I can take off and not worry about ifish, and not worry that when I get back, I'll have to work double time to catch up!
I'm tired of having my back to my family. I keep hearing that "Cats in the cradle" song and it haunts me. Andrew isn't going to be living here much longer, yet when he comes to talk to me, I can't count the times I've said to him, "I'm busy!" :( I don't like that. Time with him is so precious to me, right now!
Last night, extremely distressed from a day of mostly tears, I knelt by my bed. I had missed dinner with my family, due to ifish problems.
You know... I had not ever thought of asking my Lord Jesus for the following things. Isn't it funny how you forget to do things that are so simple? You know, I usually pray for others, or for my health, or for my families health. I pray for strength and a closer relationship with Him. But, never in the world had I thought of giving the burden of ifish over to my Heavenly Father! But, last night I did!
Yesterday at dinner time I thought I was done with ifish for a while.. I ate dinner, (alone, late) and crawled upstairs and flopped on my bed. I rested. Then, I was told I had an e mail that I had to answer from my sister, and once I sat down at the computer, I made a huge mistake. I glanced at ifish, I noticed a new problem. I was so tired! I didn't want a problem with ifish!!!
When I finished an hour later, I was so exhausted. I crawled up the stairs again. I was so tired, I was sobbing. I was so dead tired!
I just don't have the stamina that I used to. It's frustrating!
I knelt down and like a child, I folded my hands together, and I prayed with all of my heart. I gave it all over to Him! Ifish is just too big for me! I can't do this alone! Even with the mods help, (and Lord knows they help so much!) I can't do it!
I felt like a small child, sitting in His lap. It just felt so comforting!
As I rose, I felt this wonderful relief wash over me! It just felt so good! So free! I no longer have this burden! Ifish belongs to our Heavenly Father, now!
I have a feeling... no, I KNOW that ifish is going to run alot smoother, and with the most wonderful administration and moderation a web site can have!
Something... something wonderful is going to happen at ifish, now. You just watch! You just wait! For the first time in a long time, I am excited and renewed about ifish's future!
Our Heavenly Father is in everything around me. As Robert stares in the window at me, I just wonder, sometimes... Is that God? Is His spirit in that bird? Is he a representative to bring me peace and happiness?
I think so.
And you know what's really neat?

God doesn't even need to use the alert button!

March 11th

Fisherman's Marine & Outdoor
FACTORY DIRECT SHOW & SALE
Friday, March 21
Saturday, March 22
Portland, Delta Park, ONLY
1120 N. Hayden Meadows

Just when we were sadly packing the boxes on the shelves and wrapping up the show season, thinking it was all over with until ICAST-- Dan Grogan of Fisherman's Marine heats it up, again!
Fisherman's Marine Factory Direct show may very well come to be an annual event that all fishermen and women look forward to, each year! And it's happening right here in his own store at Delta Park, (or next door, anyhow!)
Everyone will be there! It's our own mini fishing show, all condensed for the Fisherman! Salt, freshwater, everything that you need, in your color, size, just order it up!! And imagine this. In most cases, you'll be able to order directly from their catalogue at a discount instead of having to shop, store by store, hoping that the lure of your fancy will be available.
You can spend time with the manufacturer reps, asking them questions that you've always wanted to ask.
All the things you love about shows, you'll find samples, free seminars, and discounts that are unheard of! (especially on your choice, items!)
You know, I haven't been yet, so I don't know, but it sounds like this will be all the best of the bigger shows, with a different, more personal one on one feel!
I've built myself up so much, looking forward to this, that I just can't wait!
Ifish will have a booth and I'll be there as long as I can handle, each day. I can't promise I'll be there the whole time, but I'm going to do my best! I do poop out quicker than I used to!
The CCA and their reps will be there. Have you wanted to ask questions before joining? This show would be a great time!
Anyhow, I'm busy unpacking my shelves, (or having the boys do it!!!) and ordering more 2008 Kwikfish to have available. I'm trying to figure out how to put up a webcam, too!
I'm excited! I hope I'll see you there!
Thanks for putting this on, Dan!
Oh, yeah... want a laugh? This is too funny. Ifish legend has it that there is a special ifish "wave" to identify other ifishers on the water. This is how I've been taught that it goes.
I laughed so hard putting that together that my belly is sore!

March 14th

I have been a bit scarce. The ifish bulletin board is just buzzing.
Get this. My eyes can't believe what they see:

Reported period Month Mar 2008
First visit 01 Mar 2008 - 00:00
Last visit 14 Mar 2008 - 04:49
So, from just the 1st to the 14th, we have:

Unique visitors 40425
That means that 40k people have visited ifish so far, this month. And then:
Number of visits 150412 (3.72 visits per visitor)
Pages 2037565 (13.54 Pages per Visit)
Hits 23275359 (154.74 Hits per Visit)
Bandwidth 147.22 GB

For yesterday, alone:
13 Mar 2008

Number of visits 12375
Pages 183967
Hits 1987887
Bandwidth 12.41 GB

How on earth did ifish get this way? And for anyone thinking ifish is inexpensive to run, just try to find someone willing to deal with this bandwidth for less than I pay!
The salties have used up much of their patience, waiting for the Tuna to arrive in the sea.
The fishermen and women on the main board are getting cabin fever. Life in General is turning into "What can I post that will stir things up?" instead of postings about family, sports, outdoors.
Pheh! The moderators have been working 24/7! The masses need fish! Fish! Fish!
Yet, many are out catching them and leaving the strife that is the ifish board, of late, behind them! Lee Darby's boat cast twice and twice brought in two 18 pound steelhead! Imagine that! That could be you! Or me! The fishermen in Sellwood seem to be taking in their share of bright shiny springers! I keep getting pictures in my inbox of handsome catches and their men!
Yesterday was Bill's Birthday. We rounded up the dogs and headed out in the weather. We smiled and laughed while the hail pounded on our backs and the wind whipped our hoods flat. There is something about wild weather that makes the dogs tails shoot straight up. They raced up and down the river beach, while Bill and I stared into the rising water, questioning our chosen gear. The water was too high, too colored for jigs, but we were too lazy to go back. We should have chosen drift gear.
Our friendly fishing cat, Molly, looked rather stiff while she attempted cover under the hem of my long, stiff raincoat. She wasn't at all sure she did the right thing by following us.
Bill caught my full attention when he yelled, "Fish on!" His voice rang through the canyon and caught my attention like the first fish of the season.
Even though the river was in full, fast rise and the visibility was getting too much for a colorful jig to show, he managed a bright, sassy steelhead that gave him plenty of fight! Just previous to then, he laughed and yelled over the roar of the wind and water, "Did you see that?" I hadn't.
He explained that some very large fish followed his jig in and swirled on the top water, just as a salmon would. There are fish in the river! Birthday boys have all the luck!
Inside, later, I fell fast asleep after working on ifish for a while, and woke with just enough time to prepare for Bill's NW Steelheader's meeting. A quick splash of water on my face, and I was ready.
Much to his surprise, when we arrived for setup, a large sheet cake, colorfully decorated and announcing Bill's Birthday sat square in the middle of the table. How did that get there? I snickered. Sneaky me! Ice cream in the freezer, too!
I had sent out several invitations to the meeting, ahead of time, announcing Bill's Birthdays and my sneaky intentions.
Bill has been a bit frustrated for the last two months or so, in his attempts to successfully get together a strong attendance for his meetings. My goal was to pack the room for his Birthday, and I worked hard on it! Really hard! I decided I would try to help. I wrote, I called, and I begged. I also didn't do any better with stirring people than Bill does! But, nonetheless, our friends showed up and we had a grand time!
We did the minutes, we ate cake, we watched Bob Toman's Underwater videos, and we just had a great meeting!
We were pickled tink to have Jim Martin and Nate Mantua show up! Wow! Celebrities, both!
Good memories last a lifetime.
When I got home, I thought of the whole reason Bill is putting such effort into making this a go. It's mostly in Jim's memory. Jim Erickson, that is.
We sat together after the meeting and I told Bill how clearly I could imagine Jim sitting there at the table at that meeting, being well pleased. He'd laugh, and boss me around, telling me to get him "some more ice cream and fill his coffee again, 'woman!'- with just a spot of cream!"
Ah, Jim... We both think of you daily. You are in my thoughts and my dreams, and I miss you so much!
We are carrying on, dear Jim... and things that we do are in memory of you.
I fell asleep, dreaming of just one more trip in Jim's raft, floating down the NF Nehalem river while he shouts to me, "Shoot one over there!" (Woman!)
...And in my dreams, instead of nervously fumbling, this time I was ready. My lure or "worm" as Jim always called it, expertly landed in just the spot it was directed. The slinky sunk to a place in the river where a bright, shiny steelhead lay, just as he predicted. My line tightened... and, well? You know the rest of the story and I'm sure Jim is sitting on some fine river up there in heaven, laughing... and he knows the rest of the story, too...

I lose the fish! Dang women, anyhow!

March 15th

Oh, I hope you are having a nice weekend!
I am a little nervous! I woke up this morning with an awful-coughal, as I like to call it, and a code in my node. :) I hope it goes away by this weekend!
Rest, relax, and Wellness Formula! I have been taking these since who knows when, and they are gobbled by my kids, too. Even IF they were a placebo for us, who cares? They work!
I put the latest Frances Caldwell column up and in reading it, it sure helps me with my photos! I'm going out, today to practice! Thanks, Frances!
I'm off to finish up some other work! There are new banners on ifish, (actually not new ones, just different placement and more flash!) I'm getting dizzy from the motion! LOL
Anyhow, rest, have fun, smile! Have a wonderful weekend, and remember... do something kind for someone. It will come back to you 100 times over!

March 17th

I'm all confused, and obviously, so are the doctors. Well, not confused, but it sure is like a three ring circus. My cardio thoracic doc is in surgery, so not available for consult. My General Physician is around, but doesn't really know what they'd want done. My cardiologist is in California, and he'd like a CT done.
My right foot is cold again, and no one can find a pulse with doppler. It's FREEZING, I'll tell ya!
So, I need a CT, but my surgeon can't order it. Should I just fly to Stanford, and get it done and looked at? After all, they are the ones who performed the phenestration, (see Jan 1, 05) since OHSU couldn't, or didn't like the chances of it coming out, well. I don't know what to do. Shall I just take off for Portland and get it done and then fly to Stanford, if needed? Pheh!
It's not something I want to risk going badly, but I can't afford to just drop a bunch of money for a flight and hotel. But-- it's my life. Should I just do it?
I'm waiting for a phone call. I was up most of the night with a terrible stomach ache. I hope it was only a stomach ache. Now I wonder?
Perhaps on break my cardio surgeon will call and let me know. They said it's not emergent, but it should be done, asap. Thing is, they don't know and I'm a bit worried.
Faith. Faith in our Healer. Must have Faith!
Stay tuned-
Think I'll just breeze over to Alask.air and see what the prices are going for a trip to Stanford. :) Wonder what the weather is like, too? Sunshine? I could do for some of that!

March 18th

There is nothing in the world I dislike more than leaving my dog. But, I have to.
I just buried my face in his soft, brown, curly wonderfulness that is his fur, looked into his eyes and regretted everything that makes me need more and more medical attention.
Off to the Hospital, I go.
But, I'll be back!

March 20th

I was tired and cranky. I just knew it was time for me to retire last night, when out of my negative and tired mind, I complained to Bill something that I never thought would escape my lips.
I said something like, "Fishing, fishing everything! Fishing banquets, fishing shows, fishing trips, fishing rods in my mailbox, fishing lures! Fishing meetings! Fishing e mail! Fishing clothes! Fishing, fishing fishing!!!"
And now, with a well rested mind and the light of a new morning, I say with a smile and great anticipation, "It's off to the (fishing fishing fishing) show!"
I will be leaving shortly after doing a little ifish and a little fishing, today! And this is by choice! I can't wait! (Just don't tell Kilchis!)
At the show, I will be sharing a booth with Dee's Diamond Flashers, as there is just no way that I can run the booth and be there all the time, by myself!
So, I invited him to join ifish and I can't wait! He is such a great guy! He is going to set up his booth, and I'll just bring a banner. Sounds great to me!
I'll have the 2008 Kwikfish, so come on by if you want some! I'll also have hats, decals, all the normal stuff! Or, just stop by and say hi!
I cannot believe how much I can sleep, lately! I don't know if it's to do with my circulation, or with the time change, or what! But, I can sleep easily from 7 at night, to 7 in the morning. That is just not like me!
Last night, Bill left for the CCA banquet. I really wanted to go, but more than that, I just wanted to rest! My legs felt like cement. It is difficult to walk, and I just wasn't up to a big social event. More and more, it seems that evening events are out of the question for me. I kind of miss the ability to do that. There is a ton that I miss out on! You know... fishing things that I'd like to attend.
Bill came home from the banquet, all full of good news. I guess it was a huge success! Thanks go to all of the devoted people, involved!
Yesterday morning I was out on the river, while Bill was helping to set up the banquet. I fished, quick released a big steelie (accident!) and retied my rig. Down the river, came a mystery drift boat. Who would it be? I pulled in my rig, to show that it was theirs to fish, if they liked. I was in the bedroom hole, one of the best on the river, in my opinion! I didn't have my glasses on, but the man at the oars said, "Hi Jennie!" -Uh oh! It's someone I know! Gotta figure out who this is!
"There's Molly the fishing cat!" the mystery man yelled. "Where?" I shouted. I couldn't see her. either! Why do I always forget my glasses?
Finally... I figured it out by his voice and the color of his boat, as the sound of waves splashed on the chines, closer to me. It was David Johnson!
"David! Have you tried these?" I held out a jar of Gulp's new egg clusters. I guess that Tim Juarez really knocked them on these new treats that will soon be available. Buzz Ramsey sent a few to ifish via "Justcallmedave" who is helping Buzz with the trout board.
He said he hadn't tried them, but that he has some on the way.
I was trying them out under a jig, yesterday. They look beautiful and they stay on the hook! They are soft, pliable and smell great. I was fishing up river with shrimp, and down river with the eggs-- a sort of trial on my part.
I'd love to give them a shot side drifting!
But, yesterday the river was pretty high, so it didn't give them a fair chance.
What a beautiful morning it was and I shared that thought with Dave and his fishermen. They agreed and taunted me a bit about being spoiled, living here. I can't disagree!
My dogs, even more spoiled, as they splashed in the water, next to them. I'm sure if they were any closer, one of them would have jumped in the boat!
I had to squint as the sun shone brightly on the river. The contrast between the dark conifers that reached toward the sun and the deep blue sky was extreme. The milky, foam tipped waves and the wind tipped tail-outs lit up into an opaque glacial paradise. We were spoiled, no doubt!
The whole picture screamed steelhead.
Later, I walked downriver... the once ragged brambles that line the river are starting to turn a reddish color, and tiny little celebratory green shoots burst out of their bare skin. It's Spring! The time when the Kilchis river valley turns a thousand shades of green! And sure enough, the date on the calendar agrees! Yesterday was the first official day of Spring!
...and I have to leave? Oh well. I can't wait to see everyone!
As I approached the last hole on the property, I was curious to see something... what was it? Floating in the river. Without my glasses, I had to squint and I finally made it out. A river otter! And... it was staring at Molly the river cat! Yikes! The dogs noticed it and began to go after it. Not again! Rev obviously hadn't learned her lesson, since last time they had a water scuffle. Those river otters fear no dog, for sure!
So, I called them off and we ended our trip. Molly is safe and sound.
Real quickly, and to answer a bunch of curious E mails... I went to Portland on Tuesday to get my CT done. It went just fine. I should have probably called my thoracic surgeon to tell him I was in town, incase he could have read my CT right there.
But, the devil made me get in my car and sneak home! I just... couldn't! I couldn't call him! I wanted to get back to my dog, to my river, to my home!
So, I've ever since, been dreading the sound of the phone ringing. I want to know, but don't want to know! You know?
My pulse is still absent, and my foot is still cold.
A copy of the CT was sent, via Fed Ex overnight to Stanford, and it left, yesterday. This will go to Dr. Liang at Stanford.
So, I'll pack and leave for the show. Both doctors have my cell phone number. If it's something that needs emergency treatment, I'll be darned close to the airport and ready to fly.
Like I said earlier, this afternoon I'm leaving for the Fisherman's Marine Factory Direct Show and Sale.
I'll be in a booth with Dee's and I will be present, as often as I am able! I'm staying within walking, (or wheel chairing) distance to a motel, so I can rest, as needed.
On Sunday, (Easter-HE HAS RIS'N!!!) I'll try to stop by my sister's home in Lake Oswego to see the family for brunch. Then, it's home to my river cat and my beloved dogs and family!
I can't wait to get home. You know why? Cuz, when I get home, I can tell Bill all about the new fishing products! I'll have tons of fishing e mail to catch up on, (my favorite kind of e mail), I'll catch up on fishing stories on ifish, and Bill and I can FISH! FISH! FISH!
Awesome what a good night's sleep will do for a fishing girl!
Here's last year's "Walk on the Kilchis" during Spring. You'll see a bit of what it's like, here. :)

My Heavenly Father just won't leave me alone. :) and I'm so glad!
I was feeling a bit down.
It's Easter.. and I'm in a motel room.
The other day I drove by the kids school and I pulled over and had one of those Mother moments. Ah, the days when I used to complain about driving David to school early every day so he could attend Jazz band. Even then, I knew it was a good thing. Both for he, myself, and for our relationship. It was a special time. In fact, the only real time during the day that we had to personally catch up.
And oh... do I miss that.
When Andrew moved out, he went through a phase of not calling me at all. I was crushed. He didn't call. He didn't write and he certainly never came home. He was independent, and learning to live that way. I suppose it's something everyone has to go through. Let me tell you. It may be hard for the kids, although exciting... but it's really hard on us Mom's!!!
Then again, once you get the hang of it, it's kinda nice. Wait a minute! I do have a life! I don't have to pick up month old burritos under their TV's! I don't have to constantly clean the bathroom, or answer phone call after phone call, NOT for me!
Oh, how fast I forgot, though.
I have been calling David for quite some time. I hadn't seen or heard from him since he and I and his friends met for lunch, in downtown Portland way over a month ago. I called. I sent text messages. I cried. Why won't he call me back? I'm paying for his phone bill so that he'll keep in touch!
Nothing but silence and a pre made answering machine man.
This morning, feeling particularly sorry for myself, I woke up in this sterile motel room without any chance of seeing The Easter Bunny! Wah!
There was no rush to get up before the boys and sneak a basket into their room. There was no plans to go to church together, or to Portland to see family, or to get a ham or turkey into the oven.
There was simply an automatic coffee pot, cereal served in the motel cafeteria and the sound of airplanes taking off, at the nearby airport. Icky. This isn't Easter!!!
I lay on my bed, and began to go through my old text messages. Holy, Moly, but there was a message from Dave on March 13th! I don't get many texts, so I had totally missed it! Dave!
I knew he wouldn't answer back, but I answered it, all the same. Whammo! Shortly after hitting send, one came back at me!
"Happy Easter!" It said. "I still love you! What time are you heading to Linda's for brunch? Can I come home with you, today?"
Well, my Heavenly Father certainly answers prayer, doesn't He?
I can't stop smiling.
I'm still a little bit miffed, but... well?
Happy Easter!
I'll have old burritos under the TV again! Yay!
And wait!!! Wait! Look outside!
There is the Easter BUNNY!!!!!!!!! LOOK!

March 24th

Good morning! Honey, I'm home!
What a grand feeling! And... with David, here, to boot!
I had a doctor's appointment in Portland, today, but... come on! I can't! I just can't! I don't feel all that great, and I'm toast/exhausted!
Easter turned out wonderful! David and I went to my sister Linda's house in Lake Oswego and spent a wonderful time with my family. I'm so glad we went! Wonderful food, my old best friend Tammy, and my entire family! It was awesome! Lotsa hugs and laughs.
It was Easter, after all! It just didn't feel like it from the motel room!
And today? Today, I shall fish!
Kilchis was so glad to see me!
We turned into the driveway after the long drive over the coast range, and what should we see? Two HUGE llamas in the driveway! LOL. We both had to rub our eyes to make certain. "Um, Dave? Are those Llamas?"
"Uh, yep!"
"Uh, Dave? We don't have Llamas."
"Uhhhhh yep!"
We had a bit of turmoil trying to figure out what to do with two llamas on the loose. They belong to our neighbors across Kilchis road, but, how to get them home and safe? The neighbors, nor our other neighbors were home! Help!
We finally gave up and called the police who helped us to round them back into their fence. What beautiful animals! They towered over us, though. They are huge!
They had so much fun, loose in our field! But, as in all good things... it must end!
I was so afraid they'd get in the road and cause an accident.
Finally, as I said- the police helped us to get them home and safe.
The Fisherman's show was just great!
I really enjoyed visiting with Don from Dee's Diamond Flashers. What a guy! I am so lucky at ifish to have such great people, involved.
I was able to visit with folks, without the scurry hurry of normal overcrowded shows. It was one at a time, and oh! The people I met! Plus, people I grew up with in Canby! Friends and family and new friends, too!
My life is wonderful. I just feel so blessed!

March 27th

Snow! About a half inch, and it's a white-out, right now! When I woke, it was 33, and now? It's 31!
I woke this morning feeling totally rested, and thinking it was time to rise. I peeked out the window and the world was white against the light of the porch. Shocking enough to fully wake a sleepy head!
I then glanced at the clock. Oops! It's 4!
What a long and interesting night!
I woke last night at 11:00 PM, feeling much the same way! Rested! Is it morning, yet?! I had been sleeping soundly, sitting up in bed, since after dinner at 7!
My schedule is really off!
A couple days ago, I set my alarm for 5:00 so that I could drive to the city, early. However, half way there, I turned around and came back! The snow was falling hard. It was beautiful, but as one car ahead of me slid off the road, and an ambulance passed me minutes later, I decided it wasn't a good idea. Not worth it considering the Spring break traffic, and the weather. I went home to fish!
Since then, I wake automatically at 5:00, and by 6 or 7 in the evening, even if I nap in the afternoon, I'm exhausted and ready for bed!
This morning, I woke at 4. I finally got back to sleep, and argh... my alarm went off at 5, still set from two days ago. I can't win and I'm up!
I'm up, already!
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to go to Portland again. Let's see. I went to the doctors last Wednesday, Monday, and now again on Friday!? There comes a time in ones life, when you just have to wonder, "Is it worth it?- Is this doing me any good?"
With the weather the way it is, I wonder if I'll be going.
This seems like something that could be handled on the phone. My surgeon must know of my problems, but hasn't called at all! He just has to have read my CT by now! Surely?
Busy is one thing, but you would think they might just call... if even to see how I'm doing? It just seems worrisome that I have very little blood flow to my foot! I'm dumbfounded by the way things work in the medical field, sometimes.
I even had my CT sent to Stanford. No news. Is no news good news? I hope so! But, why is my foot freezing? Where's my pulse? My general physician here in Tillamook found none, with the doppler. Is that normal? I think not. But, then again, I'm not normal!
Yesterday I thought I'd go out fishing in between showers. Ha! I had been too lazy to put on rain clothes and frozen ice pellets plastered me right through my jeans! I was soaked in nothing flat, and so were my dogs! They looked at me, pitifully, pleading to go in.
But... I pressed on. Sorry, dogs, but I need a fish!
The Kilchis river closes soon!
I thought my face would freeze solid, as the wind pushed through the canyon, and blasted me, hard.
I have yet to take one fish out of the Kilchis, this year. I have quick released a couple, but no successful landings~! All year long! That is unheard of! The Kilchis wild run is not as strong as it is, usually, and that is scary to me!
Bill was on a real lucky string there, for a while, but not me!
I have also heard that the Wilson wild run is not as strong. People are still catching big hatchery fish, but the wild ones are... where?
The whole fishing scenario scares me, lately. I think alot of us are worried. It shows on the board, at times, too!
I am stunned by the beauty of the Kilchis River Canyon. It is strikingly gorgeous. Breathtaking! The tall trees tower over a deep and true shade of steelhead green. The white riffles top tumbling mountains of water over the rapids, as elegant as white ruffles of lace on a black gown. Multi-colored rained-on rocks glisten at my feet, some like diamonds! They bounce prisms off the sunlight, in between ice crystal showers that fall from the sky. The melody that the river plays is the same old melody that I hear, every winter. It is the orchestration of a full and healthy watershed.
But, as I lean on my walking stick, and stop to rest by a long shallow stretch, something is wrong, hollow. Something is absent.
This time of year, here, the steelhead hens flash their chrome sides as they dig. I watch for them, daily.
They scatter the rocks aside with amazing strength, preparing a place to lay their eggs. Eager bucks wait, impatiently, behind them. They fight below her, chasing one another in an erratic dance.
But this Spring, the wide expanse of water from shore to shore moves in one, solid, empty unit, untouched and unmarked. There is no life beneath the glassy surface as it heads to sea. No rocks are misplaced, no sandy redds, where they should have been by now.
It's as if the river is a false front in a lonely ghost town. I listen, and it's the same melody that is played here, but, this year, it's an empty chorus. Hollow, mono tone... where is the fast running steelhead?
Where are you, steelhead? I want to watch you hold fast, your place against the current. I want to charm you with my offerings at the end of my line. I see you in my mind's eye, holding against a boulder, deep under the slate of water, hidden, there.
But, is there nothing but dark water?
Perhaps the river level been healthy enough that you shot further up, to spawn?
I'm tempted to walk the bank 35 miles upriver, to find you.
Maybe I'll find my doctor there, too.

March 28th

It's snowing! Lots and lots! We have about 5 inches! The birds are hungry!
We lost our power this morning. I had the web cam up here, but then it was using tons of bandwidth and I lost my connection, just as I was trying to take it down!
Funny... A friend of mine was describing this guy that she liked. but she couldn't let him know, because she just totally clammed up, when he'd see her.
I am like that, too! Totally! I wonder how many opportunities I missed when I was younger, due to that. It's the same reason I have trouble in church. I just have very little control of my emotions, so I just clam up, instead.
When I'm very moved at church, I cry. I don't want anyone to see me do that, so I just don't go very often! LOL
And... when a guy used to show interest in me, I'd just end up looking down and pretending I didn't see him at all.
I wonder how common that is?
I'm better, but there are still times when I get that way. Not that anyone likes me, or anything! So glad I don't have to deal with all that, anymore!
There is nothing to do but play in the snow, today. Well, that, and cook more bread, maybe?

Sourdough bread! Yum!
Click to zoom!
(but still, you can't taste it!)

March 29th

Just weird. When I woke, it was 35 degrees out. Now, it's 33, an hour later. This is the most bizarre Spring I have ever lived through!

March 30th

I need to talk. Yes, this is how I talk. I live way out in the Kilchis river valley and there is no one to talk to but myself.
So, I need to talk!
After that, I think I'll play the piano.
First off, it's still snowing! We've had snow on the ground for over a week, now. It's spring! One day of snow and a melt is weird enough, but it just keeps on snowing! Too funny! At least it's not a natural catastrophe or anything. It's just snow and it's just weird!
Alright. Now, onto the talk-part.
My cardio thoracic surgeon called Friday, to talk about my CT. It was good news! My aorta is unchanged! We finally decided that I would come in, in six months to get another CT, but if it is unchanged at that point, I can graduate to getting checked once a year, instead of every six months! That is great news!
My aorta is still dilated and still dissected and it's weird to talk about, and to walk around, knowing that this could burst at any time. But, good news is good news, and I'm sticking with that part of the report. The other will do me no good, and as long as I'm careful, don't lift over 10 pounds and just generally follow the rules, then there is no more I can do about it. I mean, I could burst, just sitting here, but like I said, that's beyond my control, so why worry? Does me no good! I'm going to live life happy, and not worried! When it's my time, it's my time!
When I dissected, I was doing nothing but walking calmly to my bed. It just happened. Not because of any stress or exercise. I was calm and my heart rate was down. It just popped. What could I do?
But, the puzzle still remains. Why was no pulse detected on the doppler in my foot? Why is it cold? The cardio said that is beyond his knowledge. That all he can see is down to my groin, and that is all fine. The blood flow is good. But, that there are tons of arteries from my groin, down and those need to be checked, now.
So, now it's onto Dr. Landry, who is a vascular surgeon and performed an operation on me, after my dissection. I had an aneurysm in my leg that he repaired after the phenestration that they did at Stanford.
By the way, that was the most painful operation, ever! Ouch!
These memories are difficult to recall. Most of the time I try to forget them, but sometimes I have to go back.
I have been in lots of hospital rooms and I remember once, this screaming lady down the hall. I felt like making fun. I was also bugged by her. It's annoying! She was in so much pain and she just drove me crazy, hollering.
Well, guess what? After this surgery, I was that screaming lady! I now have much more patience for screaming ladies! It was awful! They cut a nerve and when they made me stand, I nearly fainted because of the pain. Instead, I screamed! LOL
It gradually healed. Thank God! I mean that, most sincerely! That was the worst!
Now that I've written about it, I can put that memory away for a while.
So now it's onto this.
I have been wondering why I'm not "whoo hooing" about the report on my CT. Why am I not ecstatic that my aorta is unchanged? Why have I not answered on the Angler's Chapel that my prayers were answered? (Thank you, Lord!)
Usually this would be a reason for celebration.
I wait and I live in six month chunks of life, wondering if I'm OK. I wonder (and worry) during this time if perhaps when I fought that big salmon, did I burst something? Stretch something? When I was impatient and carried that suitcase out of the car because no one else was around, did I over do it?
So, I wait till my next CT to find out. This time, it's all good! -but just like that old Spring song, "Why doesn't my heart go dancing?"
It's because I am feeling like that game...

!!Whack the mole!!

It just seems like I'm lining doctor visits up and I can't ever make any headway! It's two steps forward, 10 back!
As I check things off, there are more ahead! Many, many more!
It's kind of like playing ifish.net! I can't keep up! But, where are the moderators (of life) to help me? The ifish moderators can help with ifish, but they can't play medical games for me!
I sit here today and I can't see out of my left eye. It's all milky and blurry! My cornea is just shot. So, last appointment with Dr. Hwang, I was told to make an appointment with Dr. Mathers to get a corneal transplant. Pheh!
And... Dr. Hill said to go to Dr. Kauffman and Dr. Kauffman said it was too risky, so he sent me back to Dr. Gerkin who sent me to Dr. Nichols, who sent me to... Do you get it? My calendar is just full as far up as it goes with appointments! And it keeps going!
I can't catch up!
Believe it or not, I seriously don't feel sorry for myself about this. I feel frustrated. I feel like I don't know whether I should even proceed in trying to fix me. I'm almost to the point of just forgetting about it all, and just living, instead. Running away. Traveling! Is it worth it to try to fix things and to spend all my free time at the doctors? I can't decide.
Do I have time to fix things, or should I be living, instead? The doctor, my heart doc, said, "Jennie, if you want to travel, now is the time." He meant that I may not have long to live. I even asked if that's what he meant. Although he didn't say in so many words, the answer was yes.
So, do I get a corneal transplant or do I just patch my right eye and live my life? Do I have time in my life to fix things like this?
Right now, I can't see at all out of it, and it also puts this milky fuzz all over what I could ordinarily see out of my left eye. So, it's better just to close it. But, it's my close up reading eye, so I'd have to give up driving, cuz I can't see the speedometer. I'd have to give up writing, cuz I can't see the computer.
But... if I do have the surgery it may be a miracle! It may fix it so that I'm happy and ecstatic!!! I may see perfectly and be so grateful and live a whole new life!!! -or it may cause a whole string of other doctors and problems and infections and swelling and after surgeries to occur. It may fill my calendar with all sorts of new appointments! That is, if it doesn't work, and with marfan tissue, nearly everything is a problem.
Pheh. See why I need to talk?
And, ladies and fine gentlemen, this isn't my only present pressing situation. The two top most pressing are the lack of pulse in my foot and the fact that I have a huge fibroid tumor in me that needs to be taken care of, so that I'm not anemic anymore. But, they don't want to do a hysterectomy cuz I'm high risk and the other alternatives aren't good, either.
Pheh. Pheh. Phrustration!
That brings me to the reason that I am dreaming of taking my kids away for the vacation of a life time. I've been spending time on airline sites, dreaming. It's my way of getting away. Of losing all these thoughts. Maybe now since I've written them down, though, I can come back to reality.
Or, maybe not! Maybe I should just go! I'm dreaming of just taking my credit card and purchasing a trip to Greece and then traveling through Europe. They'd never forget the trip, and neither would I! I have never been and I want to go! But, just like my ever lasting doctor visits, then so would be my credit card bill!
What started it all, was talking to ifish member Myrtle Bee who owns Eat Me Lure company. He sent me an invitation to come stay in Cabo for a week! So, I've been drooling over pictures, like this one!

Click to Zoom!

So, the boys and I will go there... but somehow, I feel like doing both, more, everything! I just want to run away and live on the road! That way, the doctors can't catch me!
By the way, if you want to stay in the house at Cabo, you can! Just e mail Myrtle Bee and ask! Of course, the offer may not be quite as good, but still! It's very reasonable! I keep thinking it would be an absolute blast to take all the moderators, since they have done so much for ifish... and we could all do a fishing tournament and stay for a week! Oh, I would LOVE that! Does anyone have a spare million I could borrow so that we can?
So, anyhow... I've been dreaming. Can you tell? I have been thinking of going to Palm Springs to visit my Dad, to Cabo, to Greece! I just want to run away, so badly!
I do feel better, now that I've written it all down. I don't expect anyone to read this. It's just why I started ifish. All of my life, I've kept a journal, and this is the reason why.
I talk to myself, while I write. I need to spit it out, and no one else really needs to hear it. It just helps me to process my problems even if I still can't figure out how to proceed. It is the first step, when my brain gets clogged up.
And now? Now I'm going to play phone number music games. Want to watch?
Music helps me, too. I feel so full up. I need to release it all.
After writing and music, perhaps I'll feel better.
I know one thing for sure. Praying about it is the best cure for everything.
The other day I was walking on the river and I could, for all the life of me, have been very lonely. But, I felt the presence of my best friend.. my Father in Heaven. Without Him, I'd be lost! I'd also be very afraid of death, and I'm not. Not one bit. Heaven, from all I've read and heard, is a pretty awesome place. No sadness! Can you imagine a place with no sadness? That means that all my pets MUST be there and fishing must be awesome!! I want to go and I'm not at all afraid of that!
Have a great Sunday! I promise that I will, too!
I hooked up the snow cam for a while!

March 30th

OK, I have written, and I have played. My life is so full and wonderful, really! Traveling would be fun, but sometimes I wonder... do I not fully appreciate what I have?
Birds right out my window!
Music! Music! Music! (ha ha! I'm a mess!)
My beloved Kilchis River in Springtime!

You tell me! Do I need to run away from all of that? :)

March 31st

By golly, I shoulda known!
When I write things such as what I wrote on the 30th of March, it should have hit me! I should have known and taken a whole handful of vitamins and gone to bed!
Last night I went to bed with a wee bit of a sore throat and a whole lot of weary. This morning I woke (really late!) with headache and a throat on fire!
I fell asleep at 7 last night, and woke at 7 this morning! Wow! I can't swallow at all and I have no voice. My body is warm and feverish. Dangit, anyhow!
Today is the last day to fish our river. The Kilchis closes, tomorrow.
If I can at all muster up the energy, I have to go fishing! After today, I'll have a long seasonal stretch where I have to relearn to walk on the river, minus a fishing stick!
It's the season where I have to re bond with the river and learn to love it for more than fishing! It takes time, but I learn to appreciate all of the things that pass me by, that my vision doesn't catch, when I'm otherwise occupied with the thought of fish and fishing.
As I stand before it, or walk alongside it, I see things that I hadn't noticed.
- The structure of the river bed as the water level shrinks, with the passing of the season. It's as if the water peels back, the ocean sucks it up, exposing so much that I hadn't seen, before!
- The birds! And in particular, what I've named as my "ridiculous bird"! Behold a dipper that sings an outrageous song, going from one end of the scale to the other in various dolce trills. She's already here! I heard her over the sound of my casting reel! The two instruments go together quite nicely.
- Steelhead redds! I hope that they appear soon! They haven't, yet.
- The amazing beauty of it all! I often walk out to the river, feel the Spring sunshine on my back and practice my yoga in a place where everywhere I look, there is good chi!
- And soon I'll get out my canoe and gently break and grace the calm surface with my paddles, staring deep into the clear water where I discover aquatic creatures of all kinds!
I'll never forget David and I, lying on our tummies in the wet grass above a small, enclosed pool of water. Our noses almost touched the water, as we searched for baby salmon dammed up in pools. Aquarium net in hands, we were trying to save them from certain death as the water receded. Netting their little selves and transporting them to the warm shallows of big water.
It was a silent moment in between giggles, as we searched. All of the sudden, a huge crawdad came crawling out of its burrow, claws clamping tightly, right beneath our noses! We both screamed and bolted up, simultaneously! It was such a shock! These awful clawfulls! Yikes!
Those were good times.
This morning I see more clearly that time spent at the doctors will not stop me from all of the goodness, all of the time.
There will be good times in between the long waits at the doctors office.
The river is here to make certain of that. The river is here to keep me well and to heal me.
The lessons that I learn in life sometimes come clear to me later than I'd wish. We all need to listen to our bodies, more closely.
When I am tired, when I am under the weather and when my brain causes me to think negative and poison thoughts, I should rest, and pamper myself. We all should.
Yesterday I should have spent the day in bed! I would have saved myself a whole lot of trouble.
Instead, today... today I will rest, and I will cast a line for a short while, bidding adieu to a full and wonderful season of hunting the illusive and beautiful steelhead.
(I said "hunting"... not catching!)

I fished on the Kilchis,
and I caught the flu-
'Wonder what I'll catch
When the Springers come through?

At least, tho, my spirits have lifted their woe,
Maybe I'd stay healthy, if I let the fish go.

This is my food for the day!