December 1st, 2003!

Wow! I can't believe it is December! I think I'd better start my Christmas Shopping!
Hey, for all you new bass and tackle fanatics, here is a new hook to check out. It's really wacky! Click on Stan Fagerstrom's new column, for more. You never know when you can apply bass technology to steelies. I had to check to see. Hmm... Maybe! :)
I fell asleep sitting up watching 60 minutes last night, and didn't wake up and take my contacts out until 1:00 AM. I am exhausted! Too much sleep, and way in the wrong position! My neck hurts! Today, I am old!
Yesterday, I witnessed an aluminum hatch on the Kilchis. I had predicted the water to be too strong, and indeed, too strong for me, it was. However, boat after boat passed me, as I fished from the bank. It's the late November drift boat hatch that we see, every year. They whizzed by me, at the speed of the Kilchis current! I'm sure they had trouble anchoring where the fish usually hold. I didn't see or hear much in the way of anything caught, but didn't speak to too many of them. They just sailed by, just as I'm sure my lure sailed by the fish, too!
Since 5:00 AM, I have witnessed 7 drift boats heading up to the park. They are still coming, too!
I think I'd better grab Kilchis and head out there. Believe me, I need all the handicap I can get, lately, to hook a fish. I think it's been over a week! I'm having withdrawal pains, and I'd rather add neck pain from casting, then to endure this feeling of lack-o-steel.
I've got Stan's column up. I've got two cups of coffee in me, and I'm ready. Here, Kilchis!

December 2nd

If someone were to ask me the most difficult thing about running ifish, I'd have to say "people appreciation management."
I've always been the type of gal who has had one boyfriend, and one best friend. I think this is partly due to my visual disability, and partly due to being a bit of a loner.
I've actually avoided large parties, because I have a fear of meeting people I've met before and forgetting their names, or hey, even their faces!
When I'd play the piano in bars, I'd get stage fright. It wasn't anything about playing the piano, either. It was about people who would enjoy my playing, and come back, to hear me again.
When someone drops $5.00 or $10.00 in your tip jar, they deserve to be remembered, but in the dim light of a piano bar, I couldn't tell male from female, let alone name, and face.
So, if that person returned the next night to hear me, along with a dimly lit room of 150 others, imagine my horror, if they tapped me on the shoulder when I was playing, and I didn't know who the heck they were!
I finally compromised, and acted as if I knew everyone, and turned on a smile and a hug usually reserved to those closest to me. It always felt kind of phony to me, but I had to, in order to cover myself. If one of those people had performed a kind deed for me, I was covered.
I also joked with people who wanted to talk with me, on breaks. "I am nearly blind, can't remember faces or names, and if you want me to remember you, please touch me on the shoulder, get straight in my face, and say, "Hi Jennie, it's me, "John" and I was here last night, too!" That was funny, and seemed to cover it, but still, not ideal!
In my family life, I've always been taught to write thank you's and appreciate gifts that people give. As a child, I wasn't allowed to play with Birthday or Christmas presents, until those thank you's were written. I am thankful for that tradition, because it helped me to associate the nice things that people did for me, and to remember their name and face, clearly.
Imagine my horror, trying to remember 5000 or more ifishers! Sometimes, it keeps me up nights, like it did last night.
Let me give you an example.
Last Christmas party, in 2002, I had run out of camera batteries. A very nice gentleman came to the aid of my distress, and actually went to the store to get me some batteries! Now, I was in the midst of a bunch of people, had 10 zillion things on my mind such as putting up banners, getting hats ready to sell, telling folks where to put toys, and meeting a bunch of new ifishers that I knew by moniker, but not by face. However, this gentleman, in my mind, stood out as special. No one knew that I thought him special. He might have told me his name, but it didn't stand out against the 100 or so, others. It was a name, and I remember feelings, not names. The image in my mind, and his thoughtfulness was forever remembered.
Wow! The guy went to the store, and wouldn't take money! Nice!
So, later, someone by the name of "whomever@whomever.com" e mailed me. I failed to make the connection that this might be the gentleman who bought me batteries. I get over 100 e mails a day, besides the 100's of spam e mails. Which one of these random e mails that I have today, represent someone who has been especially nice to me? Who knows? This "whomever" could have easily also sent me a $10.00 donation, or slid over in his drift boat so that I could fish a slot, or who knows? This e mail address might represent a thousand people I have personally dealt with. But, the fact is, I dealt with him as I would anyone, without recognizing kind gestures. I wasn't rude, I just didn't put two and two together. I just answered his request, with business like professionalism.
Later, I think it was Ifishstock that I met this gentleman again, and guess what? I didn't associate his face with his action. It was dark in Pietro's at the Christmas Party. I can't see in the dark. Heck, I can't even see in the light!
Man, oh man, if I were to admire someone, and support their web site, or do something very kind to someone, I would expect darn well to be remembered. If they didn't, I think that my opinion of them would surely change.
..and so it seems to have happened with the gentleman that bought my camera batteries.
Now, this is one isolated incident, but it happens all of the time. I wonder how many people I have written a personal thank you, and next time I met them, I didn't know who the heck they were.
How can I solve this? I need to remember faces, monikers, names, e mail addresses, and heck, I may need to learn their new moniker, too, should they have it changed, on ifish. So, then, I combine all four associated identities, and remember which physical address on an envelope, belongs to which, should they send me a donation check, or order ifish decals and write a personal note that made me smile.
Yeah, I can do that with 5000 or more people. Not.
Say, that a member on ifish breaks one of the Acceptable Use Policies on ifish, purely innocently, and by accident. We write them a note, very business like, that addresses the problem, and asks them to fix it.
"Wait a minute!" I can hear them say, in surprise. "I gave this site a donation, and I am treated as if I am just brand X member?" I can just feel the love...
I am dreaming of a new kind of palm pilot. One with some sort of GPS type technology that I wear on my belt, at all times. It tracks names, e mail addresses, physical addresses, monikers, and does a facial recognition scan for everyone I associate with. Everyone from fishers on the river, to ifishstock attendees, to people at Sports Shows who talk to me. When I come close to one of these people, it beeps if I have had any contact with them in the past, through e mail, physical mail, close encounter, or river encounter. I can simply glance down, and it will display the appropriate greeting. "Appreciative hug for buying batteries on 12/8/02" "Ignore for treating me rudely on river 9/05/02" "Smile for helping me catch a fish 7/01/01." And, of course, every time I meet someone new, I will fill in the data base, what happened, and when.
Do they have one of these already, and I am missing out? It sure would solve a lot of problems.
I'll tell you, I may have totally muffed it by not remembering the guy's name that bought me those batteries. I deserved it, when his attitude about me changed, and he posted something on the board that was unpleasant about me. However, that, I have decided to forgive and forget.
I will always, however, remember the guy who was nice to me. That memory, whether he knows it or not, was not forgotten in my heart of hearts. That guy, is the one I'll remember and think back on, kindly. I can't tell you the number of times I smile out of nowhere, as I remember kind gestures that people have done for me. I often don't associate them properly. My wires get crossed, and I don't direct appropriate emotions towards the ones deserving.
All I can do, is to try and treat everyone as if they have given their life for me. I guess you can't go wrong, smiling all the time. Sometimes, however, I wonder if people think I've gone nuts. "Who is that goofy girl, sitting in the boat, grinning at me? Who is she?"
I'm really waiting for that new palm pilot, so I can just relax, and "beep" appropriately.
I lay awake last night, wondering how many people I have not been thankful enough to. I wonder, how many people in my life have done things for me, and I haven't done enough for them, or somehow repaid their kindness. I thought a good night's sleep would render a fix, a lift, a different attitude. But, sleep didn't come, and now the feelings of failure have multiplied.
"Tis the season of giving" as Christmas rolls around. I feel indebted by thousands of people and I have so many, many people on my Christmas list. So many e mails to answer, so many, many short jotted notes, that should have been more carefully constructed by me. So many abruptly ended phone calls, because I didn't have time to chat. I need to call them back.
A blanket "Thank you" just won't do.
You can bet your bottom dollar that I was on my knees last night, talking to God about an answer.
I have faith that answer will come.
Whether it be by palm pilot, or a gift of more hours in one day... peace, on this issue, will come!
In the mean time, though... Sometimes it feels good to dream about going back to the days of "one best girl friend, and one best boyfriend."
Now, that, I could handle.

December 3rd

God answered my prayers! You know how? We had no power all day yesterday! It was WONDERFUL! Thank you Tillamook PUD!!!!
I spent the day lounging, and fishing the Kilchis.
When the lights came back on, though, whoa! I missed out on all kinds of drama. Thank you, God!
I have out of town commitments today. Hope all goes well! I'd better take my laptop!

December 5th

Let me preface this by explaining..
When you open up the discussion forum, there is usually a partial header of the discussion topic, and the author's name.
I had to giggle this morning, as I glanced at the ifish hunting forum. It read:

Effect of neutering on... Bill Monroe

Now, that's an attention grabber, if I ever saw one! My eyes popped out of my head! I'll say it again, you just never know what you'll read on ifish!
It's actually just the effects of neutering on lab performance, and the last post was made by Bill. I think I'll just continue to giggle and think of it the other way!
By the way, take a minute and glance over the hunting forum members Trophy Page! Wow!
The head picture is one I took of a buck that was out back, in the river. For more of those pictures, click here. I'll never forget that day! Let's see, shall I save Kilchis's life, or do I want the pictures? PICTURES!
Ifish has kept me pretty busy this week! It has exploded yet again, for some reason! Just as I think we are leveling off, it's expands and membership increases, and, and, and... So much to read, that I can't keep up! I had to giggle this week, when I was out of town for most of the day.
Upon return, Pete said, "I tried to read all 1000 + topics, but I'm not certain I got through them all!"
What's up with that, Pete? Come on! Keep up! Anyone want a profreeding, prooorfeading, PROOFREADING job?
November was a record month for ifish!
Amazing, yesterday, with the storm winds predicted. I have finally figured it out! SE wind storms leaves the Kilchis canyon cool, dry, and still. Our high wind gust was 31 mph. However, most of the day, it was oddly still. If I looked way up on the hills, I could detect movement in the trees. But with southeast winds, I am protected down here in the canyon, and it was a perfect day for working a little, fishing a little, resting a little. Tonight we have SW winds predicted. I know those hit us hard, so it's time to take down the bird feeders, and prepare.
I'm still searching for this seasons first steelhead. I can't say I've given it much of a chance, but soon, I will be on a serious quest. I can catch and release chinook with no problems. I want steelhead! Sneaky little rascals!
Bill wants me to go down the Wilson today, but with the Christmas Party coming up, ifish as busy as it's been, and Christmas shopping to do, I doubt the time is right.
Now, listen to me. The time isn't right. What's up with that? Work to do? Does that sound like any fun?
Bill, load up the drift boat! Let's go!
Toot! Toot!

December 7th

Do you know that there are special muscles in your gluteus maximus for hanging outdoor Christmas lights?
When I crawled out of bed this morning, I learned the hard way, that this is true. Yeowwwwwwww.
Now, sore backside or not, my house is a patriotic display of red, white and blue Christmas lights! When you pass our home to launch your drift boat before dawn at the Kilchis Park, or, shuttle after dark in the evening, you will see them. A patriotic display, glowing like a neon flag against the night. I hope you pause, as you drive by, and remember the troops that are away from their families this Christmas, and say a prayer for them all.
You know, I was a good Mom for young boys. We had a blast. We knew how to have a good time. We'd drag the plastic swimming pool into the living room in the winter, turn up the heat and lay beach towels around it and take a dip, pretending it to be summer.
We'd huddle together in bed, during a thunder storm, and giggle. When bath time came, we colored the water with assorted food coloring, or I'd dress up with scarves and jewelry and become a character they'll never forget, called "the shampoo lady." She was one wild and crazy gal, but she sure knew how to do shampoos with 'no more tears.'
Like I said, we had a darn good time. My Mom used to say, "Jennie, these boys are going to grow up thinking that the whole world is their personal Disneyland." Goal reached. That was just what I was after! My life is still my own personal Disneyland, and I want others to live that way, too.
Now these two little Brio loving, Lego building boys have grown taller than I, and their entertainment and friendship needs are far outgrowing my ability to provide.
Thus, and quite naturally, they are seeking friends, rock and roll bands, sports, and, uh... dare I say it? Girls! -- to fulfill their social needs.
Yesterday, I took David to buy dress shoes, black pants and a belt for his first "date".
"HUH?"
Yes, his first date! He refuses to think of it as such, and perhaps I am blowing it out of perspective. He insists the his gal friend is simply that. A gal friend. Perhaps I am the only romantic, here.
She took him to dinner, and then, the winter formal dance, at the high school.
I lay in bed, up later than usual, as his curfew of 11:30 PM slowly drew nearer. I counted the ticks of the clock.
Andrew delivered hot chocolate to my bedside, somehow sensing my worry. Who is serving who, now? Who is caring for whom? I had to chuckle.
David is Vice President of his class. He gets good grades. He stays out of trouble.
Nonetheless, I nervously phoned a girl friend, who knows the gal David was with, better than I. I was assured she was a very responsible sort, good grades, involved in the Key Club, nice, etc.
OK, that helped ten minutes pass....
Sipping my chocolate slowly, and half watching a movie, the front door finally opened, and in came David, even before his curfew!
My baby is safe!
My baby is alive!
My baby!
"Hello David, did you have fun?" I said in an awkwardly calm voice, attempting to hide my relief.
"Yes, Mother." That's all I got out of him. No story, no details, no... no nuttin.
I have a lot of new things to get used to, I can see. Where it used to be long, drawn out stories of "what I did in school today." now, I get the shortened condensed, Campbell's soup version.
Today, the sky is grayish black, and cold rain is coming down sideways.
I'm thinking it would be a great day to get out the plastic pool and fill it with warm water from the sink. I used to have hose extensions for that very purpose. We'll pull out beach towels, make tuna sandwiches, (add a little sand for effect) and take a dip. I'm learning you have to approach teens in a different way. You have to be hip, grown up, and relate to them on their level. As we lay by the pool, Legos scattered around amongst us, and the heat up to 90, I'll just level the playing field, and ask David again.
"So, Dave, how was your date?"

December 8th

David came to me yesterday, after borrowing my computer for some school work. He said to me, very calmly...
"Hey, Mom, You know how your web site is pretty popular? That means that at least a couple of my friends may very well read your column." With that, he casually threw a wet towel at me. I think he's OK with my column, but I'm not sure. What do you think?
The Christmas Party is tonight! I'm so excited! I am trying to find a couple volunteers to be 'meeters and greeters' at different time slots. Click here to see if you can help! Last year, I tried to do it all, and I didn't get to visit much. This year, I want to, to try and place names with faces, and see all of the toys!
Speaking of seeing, however,
I went to bed early, woke up at 5, and opened my contact case to put in my eyes. Oops. No contact. Where are they? Why, still in my eyes! Oh no! That means, I can't wear them today! This might just be a good thing. This way, I can't possibly know who you are, unless you tell me! I have a big excuse! But, my eyes are swollen and puffy! This just won't do!
Also, last night, I jammed my little finger into a cupboard. It stung, and I tried to continue cooking dinner. It had been one of those days, where I constantly hurt myself, fell down, and generally hurt all over. I tried to cut a potato. Couldn't move my finger. I tried to open a lid. Couldn't move my finger. I looked at it, and it was swollen to twice it's size. I think it is broken, and it hurts still! I have never broken a bone, so I don't know how it feels.
I would never cancel, so, if you would like to be at Pietro's Pizza in Milwaukie tonight, at 5:00 PM, please bring an unwrapped toy, or one of the things on this list and join us! My brother David donated a truck from USF Reddaway, to ship the toys over to Emmanuel Children's Hospital. We have a contest going on, for an Okuma Epixor reel, to guess how many toys we will end up with. You may enter, here! I get to play, too, and I guessed 216! Somehow, I hope I am really low! I'd rather have more presents for the kids, than a reel!!! If I win, it's going to the kids!
Lessee... what else? I am typing with my face two inches from the screen. Did I ever tell you how much I love my contacts? I think I'll give it four hours, and try to pry my eyes open to put them back in! Please, don't tell my eye doctor!
The Kilchis river this year, is so odd and unpredictable! It used to be that I could calculate, from the rain, what it would be like. We got a bunch of rain two days ago, and I was sure the river would be totally too high to drift successfully. I was wrong! I woke up yesterday, and not only was the river full of boats, but it was beautiful! A little strong, but definitely fishable!
Other times, we have had a bunch of rain, and the Wilson fished before the Kilchis!
Last week, I glanced down at the river to check for color, and it was gorgeous. By the time I showered, got ready, and got out there, it had muddied up and was un fishable. Two hours later? Clear and gorgeous! There must be slide activity going on, up river.
As Bill and I fished it, yesterday, I said to him, "Tomorrow will be perfect for drifting the river." I still hold that thought. It's dark out, but I can't wait to see if I'm right.
I finally got my first steelhead of the season, out of the Kilchis, and was it ever a beauty! I swear it was all of 15 pounds! It was a bright, beautiful, fat and sassy football shaped hen! I took it on a pink and white (is there any other color?) First Cast Jig. I had it set at 6 feet, and let it swing in the tailout of one of my favorite drifts. On the last of the swing, it violently went under, and I got to see not only the bobber go down, but the flash of the fish as it took the jig. It was the perfect first fish of the season.
I'm taken by the new method of using a long tubular inline weight, that Mark of First Cast is selling. Fixed, under a sliding bobber set up, you can't go wrong.
And with that, the first trailer of the morning, is heading up to the park. I don't have my Christmas lights on. Gotta go do that.
Toot Toot! Off to get ready for the party! Go catch a fish, and see you at Pietros!
By the way, I think they should make a spell check tool with fishing terms already in it. I keep having to add to the spell check's knowledge base. Words like "tailout" "fishable," and all of the river names. Don'tcha think?

December 9th

Finally I feel the spirit of Christmas, thanks to last night's Christmas event!
My kids are teenagers. That makes Christmas difficult, I have found. No more is it easy to buy something that brings them special happiness. Brio train sets, and Legos just don't cut it. A new bicycle won't, either.
I find that I feel my most excited Christmas Spirit during this season, by fulfilling someone's greatest wishes.
Last year, I was able to buy my son a bass guitar. It was something that I assured him I couldn't afford. But, I got it! My Visa card has suffered, but I did it!
I lived through the preceding weeks with total excitement over that gift, knowing that I had fulfilled someone's greatest wishes!
This year, I have been up nights, because I just can't figure out what to do to generate that excitement, for them, and likewise, for me.
It was written, by a friend, just yesterday, when I explained my frustration:
"Not having something cool to give... There's the teenage problem again. What do you get someone who is now too old for toys, and too cool to tell you what they want? Or if they do tell you, it's something like a new Mitsubishi Eclipse."
Exactly! Bingo! You hit it on the nose!
Well, I'm still in this bind, but I will figure it out, somehow...
But, the void in my heart, where the Christmas spirit is supposed to be, has been filled!
Last night, at the Christmas party, I cannot tell you how many times tears flooded my eyes. I could not walk through the room of toys, one more time. I had to keep my distance, or risk my makeup running worse than it had!
I have never seen so many toys! We counted them! 803 toys and gift certificates and checks written! YAY! Someone is going to be very happy on Christmas! We did it!
Not only that, but I was able to buy a gift for the moderators, who work very hard on ifish, and that made my night, too!
"Oh! Jennie!" I heard, so many times. "You have done a wonderful thing with this Christmas party!" Well, perhaps WE have, yes... But perhaps you do not realize what I get out of it!
I survive this Holiday Season by the full feeling in my heart, that this event provides for me and many others.
Next time I see a TV commercial for prozac, or any number of those mood altering drugs on TV, I'm going to giggle. You don't need that stuff! Seriously, I know that medicine such as that is helpful to many people, but it's not for me. I just need a good holiday party, plenty of toys for the kids less fortunate, and I'm good to go!
Just fill my prescription with "Toyzac"!

December 11th

We've come a long way in developing transportation, since crossing the Oregon Trail.
My third Great Grandmother, Tabitha Brown, was one of the first woman to cross the Oregon Trail, and went on to found Pacific University.
As I walked the rain soaked river, yesterday, I noticed the dead salmon on the river bank. Lifeless travelers, dead in the shallows. They colored the river bank. Chinook, chum, and silver carcasses, some of them two-together, wedged between dead logs, their flesh falling apart. Somehow, they are hauntingly beautiful to me, representing hardship, and success.
Thoughts of crossing the Oregon Trail began playing in my mind. Images of what I have read in history books; thoughts of having to leave family members behind to die that failed to endure the journey. Lifeless bodies had to be left along the trail.
Most of these fish, scattered across the rocks have completed their journey. But, how many are we missing this year? Our neighbors, who have grown up on the Kilchis river, often speak of days in mid winter when they couldn't open the doors of their homes, due to the stench of dead salmon carcasses that thickly covered the river beach! Now, they are scattered and few, in comparison.
Talk about the balance of nature... Someone messed up, here!
How can we have a balance of nature when only humans were gifted with a functional brain with the capability to grow and develop? We have brilliantly invented more efficient ways of travel and comfort. Who is responsible for giving humans the capability and brain power for caring for all of the world, and forgetting to fill us with compassion and equal brainpower to care and help sustain all of the earth and its wildlife?
No longer do we have to endure cold nights under the stars, mid journey! We have bridges, highways, motels, restaurants, and every kind of aid needed, to make the journey from any point A to point B! Yet, in so doing, we have complicated and put at risk, the journey and life cycle of our fellow creatures.
Driven by greed, I conclude, we have selfishly used our brains to advance only our own species, and carelessly left those less empowered, in jeopardy.
Do we call this progress? I think not.
As my pockets fill with litter left from careless anglers and campers, upstream, I can only shake my head in frustration. Pop cans, corkies, candy wrappers, bait cartons. I pick up an end of monofilament, follow it over a carcass, and begin ripping it out of the sand, until I reach the end, 20 yards downstream.
"Cormorant nesting material" I hear the anglers joke, in my mind. I fail to see the humor.
We messed up, guys.
We, ignorantly, (or uncaringly, or thoughtlessly) dammed the rivers for our benefit. We built factories and mills and developed poisons that are destroying the very things that sustain us!
Down come the trees that protect all of life, to build a house for one!
Stop this idiotic insanity!
What bothers me most, is that we are the only ones with the "brilliant" brains and power to fix things, and we aren't headed that way, at all. I feel like God gave us the ability and the responsibility to protect all things, and in the end, we have so failed, that we can't even sustain ourselves!
This is a bitter and dark thought, but I do believe that we as humans could very well be on the road to extinction, if we don't understand the broad scope of our responsibility. Headed in the direction that we are, our "progress" will kill us!
Does it have to come to that end, before the rivers will again fill with salmon, the trees full of singing birds, and the forests full again of old growth timber that shade the river banks, once again?
It scares me to think that we, as people, will not make the sacrifices needed, to save all of our lives. Too many conveniences would have to be discarded and rethought, to include the full circle of life's survival.
With that thought in mind, my deepest hopes and prayers are that we vote people into government that understand the choices we as people make, are actually life and death choices, rather than purely comfort, or economic decisions.
We as people, each one of us, are caretakers of our earth.
It's a long road to change, I know. However, if we don't begin accepting this immense responsibility, the consequences are those that nightmares are made of.
I still have hope for our salmon, our streams, and our total survival.
We have our own Oregon Trail to cross.
It may have bridges, and motels, and comforts not seen, hundreds of years ago-- But it has life and death challenges to deal with, more than ever before.
David Duncan says it much better than I.
Click on:
Roll on, Columbia, Roll on...

December 13th

Guess what? I felt it! I felt it as I sang along, for the first time, to a Christmas Carol on TV!
The Christmas Spirit! I did! I felt it! It happened!
...and now, it is here to stay, and I will not let it go!
You can't push these things, you know. They just have to come freely. It's quite the same as that very first feeling of Spring Fever. I remember welcoming that light and airy feeling last year, as I was sitting silently on the front porch sipping coffee, on the first sunny day in May. All of the sudden, it washed over me! Pure joy!
You can't ask for it, you can't cause it, you just have to be patient, and let it come!
I've tried to force these things before. Those silly "Magic Eye" books, come to mind. Ever seen those? You have to stare into an oddly colored pattern in a book, and an image is supposed to pop out at you. Well, I've NEVER been able to see those. I have decided that only stupid people can see those, so I feel OK about that. I suppose if I tried not to, it would come.... but I gave up!
Two weeks ago, I began decorating the house for Christmas. I got out the boxes, I set out the nativity scene. Nope. No Christmas spirit yet...
The angels, and then the Hallmark Snoopy band ornaments that I put on the piano. Although they made me smile, they didn't quite do it.
I saw commercials on TV. That didn't do it, either.
I drove around at night, and saw Christmas lights.. Wait a minute, what was that feeling? Vague as it happened, it felt oddly familiar... Could it be? Nope. Not quite yet.
Then, the Ifish Christmas party happened, and I felt it again. It lasted a bit longer, but then it was gone!
Yesterday I woke up to an e mail from the lady at Emanuel Hospital, thanking us for our generosity in giving to the children in need. It hit me again! Flash! Christmas joy!
But you know, I didn't relate it to Christmas! I just felt a wash of happiness fall over me.
It wasn't until I was making dinner, that I realized it. Bill was home from cutting down the tree that I had picked out, and was bringing it into the house. A Christmas Carol was playing on TV, and I, without noticing, began to sing along.
It wasn't until the second stanza. There I stood, chopping potatoes, singing along. I glanced into the living room and saw the lights on the angel that glittered against the night sky, and it came over me las if someone plugged me in! I do! I do have it! I have the Spirit of Christmas!
SMILE.
It's a gift from God, really... a welcome feeling of joy and light, against the gloom and darkness of Oregon's rainy season.
Dinner chores passed quickly as we sat down to eat, and admire the beautiful 12 foot, unadorned Christmas Tree that towers in our living room. The fresh smell of pine spread through our home, as I breathed in a new and welcome attitude.
Oh! Thank you, God! I have it!
..and still, as I woke this morning, it remains!
Last night, as I entered my bedroom, Kilchis and Molly Mae were laying on the bed, napping together.

I had to run downstairs to grab the camera!

Click here for a larger image

As I snuggled in for an early long winter's nap, David came upstairs to visit. The rain was pounding on the roof. The wind was wild, and whistled through the cracks in the windows.
I was safe and warm, as I snuggled under a down comforter in my new bed.
David, before he departed, kissed Kilchis goodnight, and as he walked out of the door he captured it perfectly as he said, "Merry Christmas, Mom!"

Click here for a larger image.

December 14th

The capture of Saddam! I hope this means things will get better, in a hurry!

December 15th

FISHING THE COAST
A journal of my adventures.