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(Licensed Oregon Fisherwoman)
April 22, 2014
That was quite the scare.
I had plenty of time (four days?) to worry about it, and to wonder. I mean, what was I going to do with Willie? We both suffer from a severe case of separation anxiety. This is a contagious pet disease that I believe humans catch from their animals. I have it pretty badly.
I think that's the major reason I was so upset about having endocarditis. I mean, the treatment is 4-6 weeks in the hospital, with an IV pumping you full of antibiotics. What was I to do with Willie?
Bill would have taken him, and David would have, also. But, what about me? Who would have made sure I didn't suffer from those anxiety symptoms of separation? Sure, antibiotics would cure me of endocarditis, (hopefully!) but, they say being in the hospital creates much risk for other diseases. You know, like separation anxiety! I seriously don't know which would be worse!
There was no relief better than when I woke from the test, yesterday to the news that they didn't find any endo. Just a small aortic leak! I am so thrilled, you have no idea!!! It's been like a stressful roller coaster, and now the ride is done!
I can fish again, and have full days with my dog, and plant plants and you know, LIVE!
God is good. SO good!
I'm just thrilled! Thankful! Just happy!
I do still need to explore why the constant low grade fever, and Dr. Brobeck is going to help me with that. Tomorrow, a long MRI and yet another IV in my arm! Oh, brother. Are there any veins left? You should see my arms! Holes and bruises and band aids, oh my!
I'm just happy, though. Sick or not, fever or not, I'm smiling. Thank God!
"Come on, Willie! Let's go play!"
April 21, 2014
Andrew was 26 when he passed, but as I live longer and longer, I realize that his short life was pretty darn good. Pretty darn complete. There have been much worse lives.
He realized many of the things on his bucket list. He saw his favorite bands live, which he just loved and lived for. He went to Hawaii. He went to Disneyland a half dozen times. He got to go to Coachella four years or so? He met his mentor, Ram Das and shook his hand. Ram Das called him by name!
And, as I go through marfan challenges, one after the other, I realize how hard it is on David, who is healthy. But, Andrew? When things happen to me, and we both had marfan, it was like a mirror to him, of what he may face in his future. It's no fun to see Humpty Dumpty fall, over and over especially when you are sitting right next to him!
When you are very young, it's awful to see your "Mommy" sick. I remember that when my Mom had the shingles, even. I was so young. About five. It was awful. But, even as you grow older, it's so hard to see your parents in pain.
I know that when my lung collapsed two years ago or so, it really hit both the kids. They had to see me twice, all hooked up with those wires and tubes, listening to me be in pain. No fun. No fun at all. First, it's your Mommy. Second, for Andrew- he had the very same affliction. The same future, perhaps?
I am almost relieved, not that Andrew is gone, but that he doesn't have to see this.
More than that, I'm sometimes relieved that he doesn't have to go through the challenges of getting older, with marfan syndrome. He despised hospitals. Even the smell of them!
There has been much discussion on the merits of getting older with marfan syndrome. We have made huge leaps and bounds where some diseases are concerned, expanding life expectancy.
With Marfan, I was told as a teen that I would live to be no more than 35. Now, life expectancy for marfan is doubling, (as long as you are tested regularly and take care of yourself) to 70! Wow! But, is that as good of a thing as it sounds?
As well as living with all of the challenges we have with our weak connective tissues, we also have to go through the normal aging process, which often brings it's own challenges, even to the healthy individual!
So, the story, the update is this.
I called Dr. Broberg yesterday, who was the cardiologist on call. (And man, do I like him!)
The ER had me convinced I was near death and had to be checked into the hospital and that I had bacterial endocarditis. No question.
Thank God that Dr. Broberg told me the news in a different fashion. Something like, "There is a shadow on your aorta. It is tiny. It very well may be nothing, but we need to rule it out." Now, that... THAT is how you tell someone scary news! I like that so much better!
And thank GOD for Dr. Menashe, who was on me every other day for weeks, now, to take care of this. It took me a while, and I even called him a "killjoy", once.
I had blood drawn, weeks ago, to check for bacteria in my blood to appease Dr. Menashe that I was OK. (And myself, of course.) The blood test came back negative, and I was so happy that I wrote to tell Dr. Menashe. He wrote back that it was indeed good news, but that he wouldn't be happy until my fever was resolved.
Well, it hadn't resolved, and Saturday I woke with chest pains and he sent me straight to E.R. If not for Dr. Menashe, I'd still be wondering, and the earlier you treat this, the better.
Dr. Broberg said I didn't need to check back into E.R yesterday, and to wait until Monday and wait for his call to see if they could fit me in for a T.E.E test. (Let's see if I can spell this-- Transesophageal Echo.) That's that icky test, where you have to swallow a camera. Great! LOL.
Anyhow, that will tell us what we have to deal with.
I am thankful for my life, and my bucket list is pretty full, too. I am thankful. I am a fighter. I have shed my tears. I have done my pity party, and now it's onward and upwards. I will prevail!
Bill called, yesterday, and I have to say that my heart dropped when he reported that two yellow goldfinch showed up, finally, yesterday. :( I'm the one who spots those, first. No fair. That's my job. Why am I not home on the river, where my heart belongs?
April 19, 2014
Hop, hop, hop...
(later later--.... I have bacterial endocarditis. Great, huh? Well, so much for being so cocky about staying out of the hospital. Should have knocked on wood. :( I left the hospital against their advice, but... I had to. I had to escape. To think. To process.... and to hug Willie.
(later-- On my way to E.R. Doctor (and fellow fly fisherman's) orders. :( I hope they don't keep me, but I'm having chest pain and it hurts so bad. I don't know how to get a hold of Bill, as he is helping at a trout fishing kids day at Hebo lake. Shoot. I hope he reads this or something. Would love to let him know. Wish me luck. Do NOT want to stay there!)
Easter is almost here! I can't believe how fast time is flying! Spring! Spring! Spring is here!
Spring Chinook, and the end of wild steelhead, and I'll never forget the first year I moved to the Kilchis! I was fishing sun up till sun down. Bill would be working in the yard, as I'd scream to come see my latest catch! Fun!
I can't wait to get my fly rod out, and fish after dinner with Willie. That's a fun tradition and one that the dogs always love!
I can't wait for wet wading in shorts and sandals! It's so cold at first, and then you get numb, so that everything is just fine! Especially when you have a fish on!
I have had a darned fever... just slightly enough to make me feel rotten, every night for over a month. I think we'll finally figure it out, as a I have a full MRI with contrast on Wednesday. I hope they figure it out, and I hope it's not horrible. I can do without another life tragedy!
I sometimes wish that my health problems could be as simple as the flu or a viral infection! Darnit! Why is it always something big?
Yesterday I was able to get the beets planted and the tomatoes and potatoes in the ground. I'm sure I'll have to protect them, as it's pretty early, but it felt so good to work in the dirt! Cleansing! Fun!
By noon or so, each day, I'm pooped and spend the rest of the day resting. I seem to sleep a ton. I can't lay down or sit down to read or watch TV without falling asleep! It's just bizarre! I want to feel good again!
After all, the Spring Chinook are heading towards a bay near me! Whoo hoooo!
Ifish Jennie on
Fishing Life, Complete!
I love my life, and it's a pleasure to fish it.