Logsdon Martin L.O.F.
(Licensed Oregon Fisherwoman)
January 25, 2015
Sunday... Two days until surgery! I can't wait. You have no idea.
I am so homesick for the river, and for Bill and Revvie and Molly and the chickens! That went way too far with the "ANDs" but, I kept remembering everything I miss!
What I would do to lay in bed and listen to the river symphony broken by elk crossing the river. Things like that dance in my mind's eye, and I just want to be home, home, home!
I have been enjoying my time with my son, though. He's been so good to me. He holds my hand and pets it, and takes me everywhere.
He's so thoughtful of me. It's so nice to get a little return for all that Mom time. :)
Since he's been helping out financially, things are flip-siding a bit. The first time he helped out, he said, "Mom, you have no idea how good this feels. There will come a day when I am taking total care of you..."
At the same time, I don't want that time to come! I had in my mind's eye, that story book that I read the kids, way back when they were little, "I love you, forever. I want you, for always, as long as we are together, my baby you'll be!" What is that book?! Oh, found it! Love you forever, by Robert Munsch. I keep seeing that little boy that grew into a man, holding his Mom. Yikes! Will it come to that!?
David said to me, when we were talking about something similar, "I keep expecting you to grow old, but you never do!" Yes! That's the way I planned it, David!
I still feel young, no matter how many surgeries, no matter what breaks. I still feel like a kid. No one will ever take that away from me!
Please, please, please, pray that the surgeon's can make me see, again! I can still be a kid, if I'm blind, but it's much easier if I can see!
January 21, 2015
It's a beautiful day. I love the sunshine! Even in the winter. How 'bout especially in the winter? It gives sort of an uplift to these long, otherwise dark days! The only thing that bugs me is when the sunlight is too bright and my lens floats around in the wrong place. It refracts and makes it very difficult to see, with all the rainbow effects. LOL.
Wow. It was on my "morning to-do" list, as usual, to check the weather. Looks like we are looking forward to some drizzly rain action through Friday, but then record highs for the weekend? Wow. Southern Coast could see some 70's?! And our Northern coast, up to the 60s. I'll take it! That sounds awesome!
Bill stopped by yesterday after a visit to the dentist. It was SO good to see him. I'm homesick, sitting here in Oregon City, waiting for my eye surgery. I so badly wanted to jump in his truck and ride along home with him, but I have a pre op appointment on Friday. That would give me two days at the coast, and a problem getting back here. So, here I is. :)
I'm counting on this surgery being successful. I can't even imagine my life, without this eyesight that I've been so spoiled by.
Sometimes I wonder if it's such a good thing to enjoy such great eyesight, when the possibility of losing it would be so dramatic. Yikes.
I was talking to someone at the puppy park a while back, and he said he'd rather die than lose his eyesight. I was really shocked by that. How could it mean so much to someone that they'd rather lose their life?! Well, now that I'm experiencing that possibility, well... I still can't imagine rather dying!! It would be hard. Yes. But, I'd still rather stick around! And, realizing that makes it all the more endurable.
Yeah... So if I have to live like this, it will just have to be. Period. Oh, bummer, but life is still awesome!
I remember once a ways back in life, a very nice man wrote a song for me entitle "Softer Vision". Oh, how I wish I'd have kept those words. It was about me seeing things in a softer way. Where life wasn't so hard edged. I need to remember that lesson, if not the exact words. Life is softer, when you can't see well, and you know, that isn't always so bad!
I have been flattered and rather surprised at the support of my friends on Facebook, as I go through this time in my life. Actually, shocked at some of the lovely comments, support, and flattery. They love my attitude! My humor over it?!
I think it's neato that they like me, and that they think I've got a good handle on this, but quite frankly, I have no choice, and neither would they. It is what it is. I can either live with it and laugh about it, or... is there another option? If so, I can't figure it out.
I guess I wonder what it would be like to not really have to worry about losing my vision. Now, that would be strange!
I don't like it. I don't want my eyes like this, and I really miss my vision. It makes me frown, sometimes, but I try to do that in private. It's just not an attractive look on anyone. :)
I have to laugh at the memory of the last time I lost most of my vision and tried to bobber fish. I forgot. It just didn't even occur to me that once I threw my bobber out there, I couldn't see it!
OOPS! Now drift fishing... I could do that!
Yesterday I went on a walk with Willie to the park, and we had so much fun! It was a little hard crossing a main thoroughfare, but after I did that and was still breathing, it was fun! Life is still good, even with softer vision. I just trip a bit more, and walk into a few walls. That's all.
So, to catch you up... Pre op appointment on Friday, looooong blurry weekend until Tuesday when Dr. Thomas Hwang performs a miracle by tacking one of the haptics in my eye back down, closes me up and I recover!
He said that if by chance the lens tears, he'll have to take it out. (We aren't going to think of that as an option, now are we??)
...All the while, enjoying my newfound awesome eyesight! Wednesday at 7:45, he takes the patch off, and I begin the process of recovery. Then, off to the show on Feb. 4th.
The Sportsmen's Show is the only real worry. I do worry about being well enough to pull this show off. I really doubt I'll be allowed to drive by then.
But, again... it is what it is! I think I can! I think I can!
Because... I MUST!
January 16, 2015
Well, this is certainly a challenge. Watch me try to update my column, blind! LOL.
OK, so, I woke up this morning, fine. Everything working. Check! I do that, you know. So many of my parts are surgeried, that I do wonder when something will come un sewn.
This morning, nothing1 I'm great!
But then I sneezed.
My lens in my eye came loose. Oh, shoot. Immediately, that sinking feeling. That feeling of, "Oh, no! Surgery again!?"
I just had surgery last week! No way! I'm typing blind, you know. This is cool~! I'm good at it, huh? I hate to check it, thoug!
Anyhow, people with marfan have dislocated lenses, often times. Andrew, my son, was born blind, due to it. That is how I was diagnosed, at four years old. I couldn't see, either. So, they took all those broken muscles out of my eye, (A vitrectomy) and sewed in a lens, to the outside of my eyeball. They sew it with fishing mono, believe it or not! :) But, those fishing knots only last so long... in my case, about ten years. It's been eleven.
I just hope they can fix this, as I think this is the eye that I also had a corneal implant in. Shoot. Its always something.
I thank God for this long stretch of good health and great eyesight I have had. The best eyesight I've ever had, and darnit. I really wanted to keep it! I hope they can fix it. Please, say a prayer. I don't want to stop driving. :(
Right now, my lens is floating around in my eye, going in and out of vision. So, every five seconds, or so, I can proof read.
I'm waiting for the doc to call back to see if he can put Humpty Dumpty together again.
Oh goody! I get to update "All My Eye Surgeries".
January 13, 2015
It's all there in the water. The river echoes the beauty of color from the treed heights down to the wind fluttered pastoral grasses.
Did I make that up, or did I read it, somewhere? I don't know, but 'thems' the words that my mind draws.
As an art student, I was taught to paint/draw/sketch exactly what I saw. My art teacher would set in front of me an upside down portrait, and ask me to draw it. It's amazing how accurate you can draw, when you draw only what you physically see, rather than what your mind expects. The same is true, I think, about writing.
I don't put much effort into my writing. I'm not a disciplined writer. I just write what my mind draws. Sometimes that turns out awesome. Other times, well, you just get what I see.
But, this very morning, with its cool wind and bright winter sunshine makes me want for the river. I want to sit on my favorite tump of grass and just stare into the reflection and think of nothing. Nothing but what I see.
Sitting by the river is my meditation. I hear meditation takes some training, but if I am in the right place at the right time,
it takes no effort at all. There is so much to see that all thoughts of anything except the intense hues of color that the river interprets just float away.
It's just me and the river.
Yesterday, I had a bad headache, and that drip, drip, drip of an oncoming virus of some sort. I desperately loaded up on Zinc, Vitamin C, and
frankly, whatever bottle of supplements I could find! Magnesium and Calcium, with an expiration date of 2009! I don't care! Give me those!
I know for a fact that when my mind is too full of worldly stuff and stress takes over, that I am susceptible to illness.
Oh, and if ever there were a time for me to be susceptible, it's lately. Christmas was stressful, and then right away, I was swept into show madness.
SSsniff. Yep. I'm sick!
But, But, but! I refuse! Our minds are ever powerful, and when you think or say or admit that you are ill, your defenses go up and begin to fight it! I need my defenses for other things! So, I'm not going to admit any sickness! Nope!
Away with those pills and supplements! I don't need them, because I feel GREAT! Right?
I'm going to get my work done and head off to the river!
I need to sit by the river!
January / December
Fishing Life, Complete!
on Grant's Getaways
I love my life, and it's a pleasure to fish it.